Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Once every six days

So far I have had three cries in the past twelve days, having gone the previous year without crying at all. Thankfully this crying episode today was relatively minor and hopefully nobody spotted it.

It just has been emotionally trying recently. I see previous class peers attening the surgical congress as delegates and subjectively have noticed more of my previous class peers as doctors around the hospital. For me it just is a reflection of where I am and how far (or really how NOT far) I have travelled in the past few years. I cannot help thinking while the rest of the world has progressed, I am stuck in the same hole trying to dig my way out but seemingly digging a big hole. Everybody around me has seemed to achieve their dreams and aspirations; being doctors, helping patients, publishing papers. My dreams are a distant memory and that brings the tears to my eyes, even now while I am typing this entry of my blog in the hospital library (I really got bored of reading about neurosurgery).

So what do I do? I've got about another six months to go in the hospital and I know I will see former class peers as doctors. Heck, three of them have already directly treated me for my depression! THe only thing I can do is to get on with it. But block out the thoughts is just near impossible...

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