I recently had lunch with a close friend. I was asked to elaborate why I started to hate Dora, who I now consider an ex-friend. It was actually very therapeutic tell her what I thought about Dora and to see another person's perspective.
Now I don't usually hate anybody. There are times I don't like somebody but I get along fine with them. Hate is another level. Hate is when you want bad things to happen this person, that they should be wiped off the face of the earth. Hate is such a powerful force that usually destroy people.
So why do I hate Dora so much? Probably cause I hate myself for trusting somebody like her. When I was in my darkest hour, I felt abandoned by her. I just don't trust her to be my friend anymore. Basically she is a spoilt brat who only cares about herself. This probably stems from the fact that she's an only child but that is a reason, not an excuse.
So is there any reasoning why I hate Dora so much? Let me count the ways...
Hogging a room
To live in the Student Medical Residence near the main teaching hospital, one has to apply. Rooms are well sought after, maybe due to the close proximity to the teaching hospital, the cheap rent and mostly everybody in the class is living there. For a certain period, Dora was able to live in the Student Medical Residence. But after a while, she decided not to live at the Student Medical Residence and decided to live at home instead. Lots of people don't like to live in the Residence, so that was perfectly acceptable. What was unacceptable was that she decided to keep the room and not keep it occupying. Apart from being selfish, I think that somebody who might want to live in the Residence might benefit. I told her this and she started to cry on me, like I did something wrong and started to make me feel guilty.
Teasing a psychiatric patient
During our Psychiatry clerkship, Dora and her group came across a female patient admitted due to delusions of love. So Dora and a male member of her group decided to 'tease' the female patient but saying the secone male member of her group thought she was attractive. I thought this was totally out of line and told her this. She stared at me with the puzzled expression as she didn't know what she had done wrong.
I maybe more sensitive being a psychiatric patient myself but I think this is totally disrespectful to the patient, who has trouble with her illness. As a person in the medical profession, respect for the patient is paramount and this did not happen.
Whenever Dora talks to other male members of our group, it is always in a high-pitched flirty voice. This is so she can get her way with them. I talked to her about this and she seems to think there is nothing wrong. I can respect that view but at times it seems she cannot turn it off. She used that voice in front of a male patient once and I've heard rumours that the only reason why she has got her training post after her internship is that she flirted her way to the job. To accentuate the point, the other person who got the same training post is a lady who is even more flirtacious than her. She has already started to earn the scorn of nurses and female doctors everywhere, as well as the people who were applying for that training post.
When I missed my Surgical exam due to my depression and had to go the next day, there she was at the exam. There she started to scold me about not turning up. At this point, her attitude was poor. I need a more caring way, not being berated at.
Even further down the line was when I was admitted into hospital last April for ten days for severe depression. Not once did she visit me, despite my other friends visiting me. If a close friend you knew had been hospitalized, wouldn't you at least try to contact him/her or visit him/her? She did none of that. I felt at that time she would only help friends when it was in her best interest.
Only after that did she decide to contact me but this time by trying to start an intimate conversation through text messaging. This really was the back breaker. I know at times I am hard to find and I won't pick up the phone. Yet at some point I will pick up the phone. Never in Dora's mind did she consider just phoning me and asking how I was doing instead of texting away on her mobile.
The final straw
After all this I started to send an email to her, relating why I did not want to be her friend anymore. She soon replied, with some valid points. Yes I know I am difficult to find and don't always pick up the phone. Yes I don't tell you everything, only because everything I usually tell is depressing. But at no point did she feel any guilt, like she did something wrong. It didn't matter if she was right or wrong, a little humility goes a long way.
What really got me was the last sentence in her reply:
"In my eyes, every time I care, you just don't appreciate it. Either that, or it just rubs off in the wrong way. But I've never given up on trying."
And what has she done since then? Nothing. All she has done is run to my close friend and said "Kenneth is angry at me." Yes I am angry at her and she knows the reasons why. If she can't figure it out, then she's a little inconsiderate.
Ultimately I just don't like her character and with that the person.