Sunday, February 06, 2011

A mid-life crisis?

I think I reached a point in life when a significant amount has already gone past by me and I haven't achieved much. It was my 30th birthday recently. It was supposed to be a free evening for me but unexpectedly I was asked to be on-call when the original doctor reported in sick. So I was spending my birthday making sure people were kept alive, at least until the next day.

That day seemed to sum up my life. I'm now thirty years old, still a virgin and single (in the order of priority I think are important). Most people I know are in the process of becoming specialists by taking their exit exams, are married or in the process of walking down the aisle and some of them even have the cheek of bearing children. To top it all off, my younger brother has just proposed to his girlfriend, thus making me look like the older brother loser that I probably am.

It's often hard not to compare to your friends and colleagues, but it is difficult to ignore when they post that they've passed their exams in their Facebook status or display fifty photos of their daughter from exactly the same angle on Flickr, despite the fact that they already uploaded photos of her doing the exact same a day before. I often thought I should emigrate to somewhere to avoid comparing my own life to the life of my friends but I would suffer the same problem elsewhere and my own friends' life would haunt me over the medium of the Internet.

Look, I'm trying to correct these things. I know I'm not going to accelerate my career path anytime soon, so I just try to ignore what my other doctor friends/colleagues are doing. I just wallow in the truth that in six months time I won't have to be on-call ever again or have to work during weekends. That is some small comfort to me.

I try to ignore that people I know are having kids, even though it is nearly impossible to do so. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for these couples. Yet honestly I really cannot picture them having sex. Not that it is totally gruesome but they are just some of the most conservative people I know. Sex for them would be a chore to get to a baby, not something wonderous and enjoyable.
Most of the time, I think they would do the task missionary style and have it done with in five minutes. I don't think the female part of the couple even orgasms.

I'm trying dating websites at the moment but the ones in Hong Kong are not very good. They offer very minimal service and if you want to get much better coverage, you have to pay exorbitant amounts. Only one website seem to be adequate, meaning I have had one correspondence. The others are just not worth it.

The options at work are not that great. I've only met a few ladies I would like to date. Yet it is often so hard to engage whether they are interested in you or not. I have one in mind. We often chat over the Internet but I don't know whether she likes me or not. I probably wimp out and won't ask her out on a date, primarily because I don't know where to take her or what to do on a date. That's how pathetic I am.