Dread and motivation have something in common - they look to the future, something I do do and don't do respectively.
Confused? Let me explain.
Every morning I am woken up by my mother. Even at 40 years old, I've still need somebody to wake me up and force me out of bed, like an unruly teenager who doesn't want to go to school. I dread the day ahead. I hate being stuck in traffic for an hour, I hate being consulted by patients, I hate eating my packed lunch nowadays and I hate being consulted by more patients. It's worse when I wake up and my depressed part of me keeps saying don't go to work, take a sick day or resign. Unfortunately that part of me has been increasing steadily. People say it is the anticipation of a dreaded event is worse than the dreaded event itself. Everybody has anxiety before taking examinations but the actual test itself maybe not so bad. For me that is not the case. "Why won't it be 13:00/17:00?" is what I'm constantly feeling. Yes I know everybody have these thoughts. So why am I different? I should buckle down and get on with it but... I don't know,
On the flip side I don't look to the future regarding motivating myself. I know I should study medical topics but I don't. I know I should clean up my paperwork but I don't. Even the obsessive compulsive things I do, like back up my podcasts, tidy up my Lego parts or watch movies I haven't seen that are on my Netflix "My List", I don't have the motivation for. I keep repeat old episodes of QI / The Bugle. Or try to refine my designs on my Lego MOCs (My Own Creations) on the Lego designer program.
I wish I had less dread and motivation in life, rather than vice versa.