Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Small, little deaths

I have recently moved into a flat with my mum, so she can help me get to classes. As we have not had Internet installed into our flat, I'm writing this before one of my classes in the library.

After nearly two days of the new Surgery clerkship, I'm tired but OK, I guess. But each time I see an old class peer (I can hardly call them 'mates') who has now graduated and is a house officer or resident, some small part inside of me dies. It's that sinking feeling you get in your chest, the 'what might have been' feeling that kills you inside. I know at some point it will send me over the cliff and I really hate for it to happen in an awkward situation, like in front of a doctor.

I know I should ignore it but I can't.

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