In my previous entry, I touched upon the circumstances of my love life, or lack thereof. Why of a sudden have I written about this aspect of my life?
I don't need reminding about my single status. There are constant clues in my daily routine. One of my best friends is married and when I searched on Facebook I noticed that two of my friends from secondary school are married. Tons of friends are in relationships - it seems to be "in fashion". Being single seems to be vilified nowadays. Surely there must be something wrong with you that makes you unattractive to the opposite sex and is the reason why you have no significant partner. Maybe you are too obsessed about your career or you difficult to deal with - who knows?
As I started a new rotation in Paediatrics, I had to join a new group. This group contained a few people with a similar background - Hong Kong people growing up in a more Westernized culture. I have noticed one girl (who shall not be named). She's sweet and nice from first impressions... and this spells disaster for me.
I know in my desperate state that I would latch on to any girl who I would think could be my girlfriend. That fact is that I hardly know this girl. OK she's nice looking and good to talk to but that is from one single conversation lasting half hour. What if she has a boyfriend already? What if she turns out to be a bitch like Dora? What if she cannot cope with a boyfriend with depression? That's a lot of "what ifs".
I know I don't need a relationship right now - there's too much on my plate at the moment. I don't want to burden a girl knowing she will have to cope with my depression and the possibility that I will leave Hong Kong. Yet it is difficult to stop thinking about romance and love when you never had any. Constant reminders such as couples holding hands or girlfriends following their boyfriends around like little Scottish Terriers keep telling you that you are lonely and desperate.
It is not easy being single. You may have your freedom but you sacrifice companionship.