Monday, October 08, 2007

Irritable beyond the extreme...

I am the point when I'm getting pissed off about my mum. When my mother retired from her job last month, I thought it would be beneficial for my depression to have somebody monitoring my condition, to push me when I needed to study or to get out of bed. A month on, it has been a total nightmare. It feels like I'm in the novel "1984" with Big Brother constantly watching over me and dictating my life.

My mother "thinks" (and I use the word "thinks" very loosely) that I should spend the entire waking hours studying. She "thinks" my depression will benefit from 24 hours of constant studying, seven days of just looking at textbooks and not allowed to watch videos, movies, Internet or anything I would classify as pleasurable. She even questions me when I want to cook or bake. Every conversation is started off with the question, "Why aren't you studying?"

I can't say she is acting like a parent because I don't think she has my good intentions at heart. All she wants is my future happiness without thinking about my present state. If I'm not happy now, what use is it preparing for the future? I've tried reasoning with her but it seems she is not listening. She just doesn't understand.

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