Saturday, June 12, 2010

Stuck inside

I cannot believe my luck. Not only am I on-call on a Saturday - the worst day of the week to be stuck inside a hospital - but it happens to fall on the day England play USA in their first group game of the 2010 FIFA World Cup. Thankfully I'm only working in gynaecology, which means we don't have to admit patients after 17:00 and the wards are relatively quiet during the evenings. I can sneak out to watch the match but it is a late evening kick-off. Currently mood leads me not to watch the match. I just cannot be bothered to wake up at 02:00 to go and watch the match.

As gynaecology is relatively quiet at my hospital, it gives me too much time to ponder about my life. I should be getting on with a presentation that I have to give on Thursday but yet I'm thinking about my existence. Currently I'm not depressed but not totally happy either. I'm just stuck in a rut and cannot get out. The best way to describe my state is dissatisfaction and ambivalency. I'm currently in a good job which is not that demanding. I'm dreading the next year as I will be in Medicine and Paediatrics plus I should start revising for my HKCFP exams. Apart from that my job is OK yet I have an itching feeling I'm not totally comfortable the position I'm in. I cannot complain about the pay or benefits. I have enough cash in the bank not to worry about my financial status, since my parents are not dependent on me. I also don't spend huge amounts of money like dining out or buying DVDs since I can control myself to buy what I only need.

I know I still live at home with my parents at the age of 29 years old but that's normal in Hong Kong and I don't really want to spend money buy or rent somewhere to live when I can save up the money later and economizing by staying with my parents. I currently have an aim to make try to lose weight by eating less and cycling about half hour per day. Maybe that's driving me crazy - the hunger cravings for desserts which I cannot make since I stopped all after dinner snacking. My mum is not helping matters by constantly buying food despite my pleas not to since I won't eat all of it.

I'm not looking for a relationship at the moment, not after the last "relationship" I was in. I am meeting my friends this month, which means I'm not totally isolating myself at home. Maybe all of this is just in my head and is the depression talking to me. Maybe I should say to myself that all is fine, there is nothing to worry or be dissatisfied about. I need to tell myself that once I've lost weight, maybe I can go out and meet women.

Right have to go back and start some exercise...

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