Wednesday, June 09, 2010

It's not complicated anymore

One of the features Facebook should put on the website is a notification of when people defriend you. That's what happened to me recently. No sooner had I written my last blog entry and posted it up, the lady in question immediately defriended me.

Am I hurt? A little bit but in the long run I will be OK. Did I do anything wrong? Maybe, by posting up my thoughts on the aforementioned girl so the public could read it. Yet I was careful not to mention her name and none of my other friends know of her. Also everything I mentioned I had discussed with her before, so it is not like she didn't know about it. Also if I did anything wrong, I don't know what I did wrong. All that I mentioned was that I don't want her to be my girlfriend but I was perfectly happy for her to be my friend. If she is reading this, I apologize for what I did.

So now I don't even have to write why I don't want her to be my girlfriend.

Now I'm going through an "episode" right now. I self analyze my life too much. I'm approaching thirty years old. I still haven't had a girlfriend or had sex. When women go about their biological clock, men go about losing their virginity. It's a male ego thing which I would gladly want to shed but cannot. It would be perfectly fine if I was isolated from the outside world. Yet the evil that is Facebook is a constant reminder of my misery.

People younger than me are having relationships, getting married, having sex and having kids!!!! I would be perfectly happy with this state of the world, if it were not the fact that these people are the last you would expect to perform nookie. These are the people who save themselves for sex after marriage because it is the right thing to do and then only roll around in the hay to have babies like it was a national requirement so you can have tax benefits. Don't get me wrong - I'm happy for them. It' just makes me more miserable about my relationship status and it's all my fault.

Once upon a time back in secondary school I accepted that it was perfectly fine to stay not married. I knew the chances of finding a partner were slim, with my complicated upbringing, high standards and my depressive background. I still think that but it is constantly on the back of my mind, gnawing like what my dogs do to their bones - generally eating away until there is no resistance.

So now I'm gone to desperate measures to make myself presentable to the opposite sex. I've started dieting, but only a little amount. It is difficult to diet when other people cook for you and you have to go out to eat with other people during work. I've also started cycling nearly every day to lose weight. However I'm not losing weight quickly enough, so I think I have to start running again.

Oh the things we do to get somebody to love us. Sooner or later I'll probably be crazy enough to start diet pills or prescribe myself thyroxine* to lose weight...

(* I'm joking of course - none of my friends should take it seriously and especially any doctors reading this.)

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