Monday, June 07, 2010

It's complicated

For all the criticism Facebook has received in redesigning its layout or having its privacy policy attacked, one thing I have got out of Facebook is the best way to describe most relationships - "It's complicated." I never heard of an easy relationship between a man and a woman, or even between a man and another man or between a woman and another woman. You catch my drift - romance is difficult at the best of times and outright insane during the worst of times. That is what I'm in at the moment.

Over a month ago, a lady whom I didn't know asked me to add her as a friend on Facebook. Naturally I had to ask why she wanted me as a friend. She reads my blog and found me an interesting person with quite some unique and thought-provoking ideas. So we struck up a relationship, chatting on Facebook and getting to know each other a bit more. Facebook chats turned to long conversation on the phone and before long, we finally met face to face. So far we have gone out three times, what most people call "dates".

"So what's complicated about this relationship?" you might ask. A lot of things in this relationship are a potential mine waiting to detonate.

First of all, she is really interested in me. I don't know if she is in love with me but her enthusiasm for me is more than my interest in her. I like as a friend but I don't love her as a girlfriend or potential partner for life. I get to the reasons why later. I never thought I would be in this situation where a girl/lady loves me but I don't love her. I thought I would be grateful to have somebody who loves me but I'm not. I just don't love her in the way she loves me.

Somehow her enthusiasm for me is a bit suffocating. Perhaps I'm not used to a person liking me so much. Not even my closest friends pay this much attention to me. She constantly phones me nearly every day to talk about trivial matters of what she has done today and to bitch about work. I don't mind hearing once every so often. Yet to hear the same matter nearly every single day is a bit tiresome. She also constantly wants to me to come out with her and sometimes (actually most of the time) I just want to stay at home. Perhaps that's why I don't have a girlfriend - I just don't want to go out usually. I just stayed cooped up in my bedroom, watching episodes of "Mock the Week" and surfing on the Internet. I do admit I have to get out more.

I also have the feeling she is bossing me around a lot. During our dates, she is the one dictating where we go and what to do. I feel I don't have a say in the matter. Don't get me wrong, she's not asking me to spend lots of money or perform any illegal acts. It just feels this relationship is a bit one-sided and I'm not getting much input or output. The conversations are a bit one sided as well, with mostly her doing the talking.

So am I an evil guy for talking about her faults so publicly on my blog? No, not really. Most of what I've written she already knows. On our third "date" we already established that this was not a serious love relationship and that we were free to see other people. Yet I am still getting signals she wants to pursue this relationship to another level.

Anyway, I've still more things to talk about this "relationship" and I've already used up my quota of quotation marks. I'll write further on why her and I are not compatible.

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