and dieting

As some of you may well know, I have been exercise and dieting extensively for the past two months. Thankfully it has paid dividends with a drop of three kilos within this time limit. However I'm still obese (by Asian standards) and still got a long way to go - actually eight more kilos before I'm consider "OK".

Apart from running / walking in excessive heat after work everyday, I have resorted to dieting. This has been a dramatic turnaround for me. I do love to cook and I do love my desserts, so having to cut out both means I can identify with smokers and alcoholics trying to give up their vices. I tried cutting out breakfast but by about half way through my morning clinic sessions, I'm embarrassing myself in front of patients with steadying growling noise coming from my stomach area. So instead of being addicted to desserts now, I'm addicted to Kellogg's Special K (other breakfast cereals are available, as the BBC would say). Apart from Crunchy Nut Cornflakes, this is the only cereal I like. I can actually eat Special K for breakfast, lunch and dinner, if social circumstances allowed me to.

Unfortunately I still have to go out for lunch, since all the other doctors in my clinic do. So I still have to eat unhealthy stuff whenever I go out. Everybody knows if you cook for yourself or cook at home, you have some measure of control what crap goes into your body. If you go out to eat, you don't know how much preservatives / salt / sugar they put into your food.

One of the disadvantages of going out to eat is the portions. I hate to waste food and so cringe inwardly whenever anybody leaves a substantial portion of their meal on the plate. I have to cringe at myself now, since I leave all the rice / potatoes on the plate since I've started the Atkins diet. This carries on to dinner since I have asked my parents to cut out the rice for me at dinner.

So what other extremes have I gone to lose weight? Only drinking diet Coke / Pepsi and now using artificial sweeteners in all my tea / coffees. Yes, I'm very serious about losing weight but only if it makes me look better and gives me a better chance of attracting the opposite sex.

Now to give myself a break, I need to have that tiramisu my dad made...

Down in the doldrums.... again

I have been accused by an anonymous reader of being too negative in my blog. Unfortunately he/she didn't leave an email address for me to reply to say that is the whole point of my blog. This is suppose to be an avenue for my depression to dissipate itself to the wider world instead of ruminating in my mind, causing more havoc. If you don't like what you see, then don't read it - simple as that.

I'm going to further disappoint that anonymous reader as this blog entry is going to be another depressing read. For the past few weeks a low mood has been creeping up on me. I shouldn't have this problem anymore. I take my anti-depressants regularly and attend my follow-ups as scheduled. I work in an respectable profession, helping sick people to their ailments. I get paid quite handsomely enough to live comfortably, since I don't have to pay rent, not in debt or don't have to support anybody since my parents are financially well off. I stay in contact with my friends but don't get to meet them as often as I like.

And that's where it starts - trying to look at the bad sides of things. Before long I'm back looking at all the standard stuff when I'm depressed: I'm 31, single, still a virgin (interpret yourself if that is a good or bad thing), still living with my parents and still have depression which requires anti-depressants (and quite a high dose as it is).

Yet there are things which have contribute to my low mood. There are little triggers which accumulate to eventually break the camel's back. Annoying drivers who do not indicate with their lights when they are going to change lanes or take a turn. Demanding patients who ask about four different problems in a consultation that is supposed to last seven minutes. Acquaintances on Facebook putting up hundreds of photos of their babies in the same position.

And what was the final straw? Learning that one of my good friends is pregnant. I should be happy for her and her husband, and I am, but I'm also sad for myself. That's what you get when you're a depressive. You don't care about everybody else and their problems, you get selfish and care for yourself. Forget about all the poverty, disasters and deaths in the world, you only care that you don't have a girlfriend in your life. Forget that other friends older, better looking and more intelligent than you are still single, you only care about yourself. And I hate myself for think about that way.

As the usual disclaimer, I don't expect people to pay attention. Actually it is better that you don't pay attention, since it feeds my depression more. I don't expect anybody to help either since it is my own internal problem. I just wish for better drivers in Hong Kong and for people to stop putting so many photos into the albums without even sorting them out. Then I can stop whining about that stuff.

My relationship with music

I have to state that I'm not a big fan of music. Unlike my friends, I have a modest collection which mainly deals with pop start from the 1990s to early 2000s. Since mid 2000s, I have become less interested in music, instead listening to podcasts and radio programmes.

This was evident a few days ago when I made the few excursions for shopping. I decided to patron the new HMV in Central. Whilst looking through the entire music section, there was only two albums I bought: The best of Whitney Houston and the best of The Who. I am one of these bad people who only buys "The Best of" albums from artists. Usually that means waiting for the artist to die or retire, or for the band to break up. The only other album in my radar is "The Best of S Club 7" (I know that I have bad taste in music).

Perhaps I am more of a singles man. I tend to love individual songs rather than a whole album. I have to like enough of the songs on an album to persuade me to buy the CD, hence only buying "The Best of" albums. Unfortunately Hong Kong doesn't have a very good download music market. Most of the download music here is Cantopop (or I can't read Cantonese well enough to understand their download sites). I can't access iTunes to download music here in Hong Kong.

Anyway I must get back to listening "The Who" and finding ways to download music legitimately in Hong Kong.