I'm currently ending my second week of studying for my Finals (why does the word "Finals" have to start with a capital letter when referring to the final examinations in university?). It's currently very boring and I always feel I don't have enough time to cover all topics. I think everybody feels the same way as I do... hopefully. The worst thing is this carries on through another six weeks, through the Lunar New Year (which I'm thankful since it gives me a reasonable excuse not to visit relatives I don't really want to see) and another event which I hate mentioning.
I have to admit I am a very sexually frustrated man. I spend too much time thinking about sex, looking at beautiful half-naked ladies on the Internet and masturbating. Thankfully I have been doing less of the latter two acts lately due to my studying but I still have images of shagging Rachel Stevens on my mind. I know I think about sex more than the average person and sacrificed too much sperm in the process. I tried to rationalize my predicament and have come to some conclusions why I spank the monkey on a constant basis:
1. I'm still a virgin
This is a fact I don't mind admitting but I'm still embarrassed about. My current sexual status is not by choice. I'm not one of those bible bashers who chose to remain celibate because "it is in the Bible" despite the fact slavery is allowed by the Bible. Neither am I "saving themselves for the right one" since nearly 40% of marriages end in divorce. I'm a virgin by circumstances out of my control, mainly due to my shyness & ugliness plus the environment I have surrounded in.
My morals are loose enough for me to go to a bar and try to pick a girl for a one night stand... but I don't. I just don't have the confidence in front of a lady who I like. My lack of self-esteem is also shaken when I look in the mirror and see the bastard love-child of Jiang Zemin staring back. Just like guys, women go into looks as well and when they see the Michelin man approaching they are not going to fall head over heels for him. I know reality and it stares at me everyday.
My opportunities have been very limited. Going to a mainly boys boarding school limited my options and most Caucasian girls do not go for Oriental boys, no matter how rich they are. Coming back to Hong Kong has not increased my chances either. Being a predominantly Chinese-oriented conservative society, many of the girls are not to my taste (more of that later).
This virgin status wouldn't be so bad if I was younger and everybody else was in the same situation but it is not. I know people who are more shy than me who are now pregnant. I hate comparing but that is how you assess your life, by comparing yours to everyone else. I know friends who are getting regular sex. I'm jealous but also happy for them. I'm over the peak regarding my sexual health and I know it is downhill all the way.
2. I never had a girlfriend (and don't currently have one).
Probably my sexual frustration is just my way of manifesting my other frustration that no girl likes me. I'm batting 0-6 in terms of girls who have dated me compared to girls who rejected me. That's not a great statistic - even Shaquille O'Neal shoots better from the three-point line. I'm probably more frustrated girls seem to go for guys who are worse than me. I hate to compare and say I'm better but there are guys who treat their girls like shit and still the girl continues to date this bastard. It's the "Nice Guys Finish Last" phenomenon.
I know I'm not perfect - I suffer from depression, I'm heavily too sarcastic, I'm way too negative and I have piled on the pounds to look like Professor Klump in "The Nutty Professor". Yet I know I have many virtues - I'm intelligent, organized and a nice person (probably too nice). I know love and relationships are not about sums and figures but about chemistry but I hate it when girls don't give me a chance. I also hate the way society pressures guys to for the chase. Why can't girls, if they like a guy, ask the guy out? Who makes these silly rules? Isn't society suppose to be equal now or is that just a myth.
3. I very disappointed with the options I have in Hong Kong.
Perhaps my frustration is more widespread and just reflects my views that Hong Kong women are just crap. I look at other nations and just see better women. I find girls from other nations are more willing to improve their appearance and put in a bit more effort. They are more willing to put some make-up, wear some high heels and wear some skimpy clothing to attract the other sex. In Hong Kong this is just not the case. I know it takes time and effort to put some mascara on and wear platforms. Yet it is the effort that I'm looking at - girls in Hong Kong simply don't try. You wonder why Hong Kong has one of the lowest birth rates around the world - men are just not stimulated enough.
I know there is more to a relationship than appearance. I'm not that superficial to just go for looks. Yet they only way to attract my attention in a strange place is looks - I don't what your personality is like just be looking at your face. If you are pretty but have a dull personality, I will simply move on. Guys do like a pretty face but we prefer a brain over big tits any day.
And its not just appearance that Hong Kong girls rank very low in my agenda. Maturity wise Hong Kong ladies are just like little girls. The maturity between the ages of 13 to 33 doesn't vary much for Hong Kong females (or Hong Kong males for that matter). Hong Kong girls still think black leggings/stockings go great with white shoes and denim skirts, "Twins" are the great pop act in the world and the greatest way to happiness is money. I shouldn't be so harsh on Hong Kong girls - guys from Hong Kong think the same way as well and the tendency to get out of Hong Kong is less compared to other countries. Yet I find the same with Hong Kong females who go abroad for university - they still act like little girls. It's something in the food or water in Hong Kong that makes everybody stupid.
4. I hate the attitude towards sex in Hong Kong.
I probably covered this topic before (or probably will) but I just hate this conservative view towards sex. Sexual intercourse is just and only equivalent to sexual intercourse and I hope girls/ladies stop reading more into it. Love is equal to love and that is all there is. You can have sex without love (prostitutes do that very often) and love without sex (elderly people do that very often). As long the sex is consensual, performed safely and nobody is hurt, it is fine by me.
A prime example is my mother's view on sex. She thinks looking at beautiful women on the internet equals to surfing for pornography. She thinks I'm banging away whenever I'm looking at the news of Nicole Kidman being pregnant on BBC News as X-rated smut.
I really should stop worrying about how Hong Kong females think and dress. I really need to get back to a forward thinking society.