I seem to think more about sex than the average person. It is said guys tend to think about sex for most of the day. It seems to be linked to the male genetic make-up, that men have to "sow their seed in every furrow" so that the human race can continue. Well that's the excuse men will give to justify being so horny all the time.
(Before I go on, I would like to state implicitly that I'm not a pervert. My thoughts about sex does not have any influence on my professional life as a doctor. I have not nor will I grope or fondle patients, female or male. I am always professional and courteous when performing physical examinations. When I need to examine a sensitive area, I always have a female chaperone to accompany me. Anyway I'm more afraid of being sued by any patient of sexual assault. I want to make that abundantly clear to anybody who reads this, whether it is a previous / potential patient, a concerned citizen or anybody who cannot accept doctors are not robots but human beings with their own fallibilities and their own opinions about everyday topics.
Right I think I've covered myself legally, morally and professionally. Now where was I? Oh yes, sex...)
I think my obsession about sex can be boiled down to I have yet to lose my virginity at the relatively elderly age of 32 years old. I don't know why I should be ashamed of this status. If I grew up in Hong Kong, my virginal position would be in line with other natives. The conservative society I currently live in has the predominant thought sex should be for after marriage only and only for producing babies. Being in your mid thirties and still a virgin in Hong Kong is not uncommon. Yet I grew up in a different culture overseas and their views of sex are much different. Cherries are popped at a very young age and nobody bats an eyelid at this. Having sex with more than one person in your lifetime does not immediately label somebody as a slag or a man-whore.
Is my fascination with sex a by-product of the frustration of not having a girlfriend? If I was happy being single and using my right hand or the bed, then I wouldn't give this too much thought and be content. Yet I'm frustrated about the single status I occupy.
A combination of personal factors does not make my sexual frustration any better. I'm short, round, wear glasses and not very athletic. In summary, I'm not very attractive to the opposite gender. People tend to hook up with people who are handsome or beautiful, as I have noted when I go to nightclubs. People would rather have sex with good lucking people. I can only imaging fat, ugly people like me must be some of the horniest people around.
It doesn't help that I am introvert and shy. I don't usually go out in the evenings, preferring to stay at home and browse the internet for its primary purpose - porn. I don't go out to pursue women and I know that doesn't help if I want a chance of losing my virginity. Yet I know if I go out and meet women, I might come across as desperate and perverted, as I know these are big turn-offs for women. I'm also afraid of how I react to rejection. The last time a lady turned me down, way back in the university days, I cried for half hour and wanted to kill myself. I now know that was my depression talking but I'm still afraid of rejection. My attempts to attract the opposite sex has been limited since then. When I actively try to chat up women, it never ends with me seeing them again and that leaves me despondent about my single & virginal status.
It doesn't help that women in Hong Kong don't take the initiative and pursue men. Please remember that Hong Kong is still very much a conservative society. They expect to be wined and dined like a princess. If the lady was like me, she would sometimes want to do the chasing other than always being chased. Sometimes I want the lady to show her independence and she doesn't always conform to what society expects of her. It would also mean she'll be open to other ideas.
At the moment I don't want a romantic relationship with feelings. My life is a bit too complicated for that. Unfortunately 99% of women in the world think that the only way to have a relationship with a man is with emotions and especially in Hong Kong. The concepts of casual sex, swingers, fuck buddies, friends with benefits and one night stands are foreign to most people in Hong Kong. I've been trying to find ways to follow this avenue but with not much luck. I have found certain websites but they have certain drawbacks. There is Adult Friend Finder, a website to hook people up but that requires you to put money into that venture, with no guarantee that you will get laid. Also the website attracts women who still want a romantic relationship rather than the casual sex relationship that the group emphasizes on. There must be websites that are written in Chinese which links like minded individuals in this way but I hate myself for not being able to read Chinese. Facebook doesn't seem to have Hong Kong groups like this either.
I seriously thought about hiring a hooker. There are more websites catering for this than there are fuck buddy websites in Hong Kong. There were many things that stopped me from doing this...
- Price. I really don't want to be paying for something I don't what I'm getting. The prices range from a few hundred dollars to a few thousand. I really don't know what quality I'm getting and the whole experience could be over in 5 minutes.
- Location. I'm still living with my parents, so I can't bring the lady back to my place. I'm reluctant to go to a prostitute's boudoir or a hotel room for many reasons, include filthiness and money, which rules out those options.
- Disease. As a doctor, I've come across some people who have had sexually transmitted diseases from visiting sex workers and I want to avoid that. I could use a condom but that's not 100% foolproof. Wearing a condom would mean I would not be able to ride bareback and I would like to experience that at least once.
- Embarrassment. I don't want the other person to know I am desperate and paying for my first time. I am also embarrassed about being a Chinese person who speaks limited Cantonese. I know I would never see the lady again or I could hire somebody who doesn't speak Cantonese but I still couldn't bear it.
I'm also applying the wrong type of criteria in trying to get sex. I should lower my standards and just pick up some random bird, go back to her place and just be done with it. Instead I'm still want the same features for my sexual partner as I want from my future partner. I want her to have a Western background, speak fluent English and to be drop dead gorgeous.
I feel I have been spoiled by Western porn and Playboy models. I want the ideal lady to be slim, busty, with a nice booty and beautiful. Sadly not many Hong Kong girls are like that. They have pretty faces, when they eventually get round to putting on some make up, but not much sex appeal. They are slim but perhaps a bit too slim. As I remember from one movie, "you have got to have meat if you want to feel the heat". Getting ladies in Hong Kong to have plastic surgery is nearly nigh impossible. Women in other countries around the world, especially South Korea and USA, are willing to go under the knife to make themselves look more beautiful for many reasons, including getting ahead in their career area, attracting a rich husband or just to boost their self esteem. I just don't think ladies in Hong Kong are willing to go through the pain of plastic surgery to look beautiful.
Hong Kong ladies don't even wear high heels that often. Everybody knows high heels, although painful, instantly make a lady sexy. I don't mind if you don't wear them to work or going on a country walk, but if you are going to a night club and are not willing to wear some stilettos, just be prepared that you might not attract so much attention than the ladies who do wear f*ck me boots.
The same goes with sexy clothing. Hong Kong ladies never wear anything alluring. They wrap up like it's winter, despite it's nearly over twenty degrees Centigrade all year round. No short skirts, no revealing cleavage, absolutely no skin at all. I think I've seen more flesh from a nun than a Hong Kong woman. For once I would like to see a lady in a dress or something figure hugging.
For the sex, she has to be shaved. Not just her legs and armpits, but also down there. If she wants me to perform oral sex, she has to shave because I don't want to be going through a forest if I have to perform fellatio. If anybody thinks I'm being hypocritical in this situation because I'm maintain my own bush, let me just say I am willing to shave it off in a heartbeat.
And that's the other thing - will my potential partner / fuck buddy be interested in the type of sex I want. I don't just want normal missionary position. I want to try something else - other positions, anal, oral, threesomes with another girl. I draw the line at BDSM, golden showers and getting another guy into the mix though. I do have some limits.
And everybody is going to say, "What have you done to make yourself attractive to ladies? Have you worked out? Have you even lost any weight?" They be right to ask those questions and in truth, I don't have good answers. It goes back to the point I always have when I start pondering about my single status - I'm angry at myself for being so pathetic.