You can tell when you are desperate for companionship. You start to target every possible woman you encounter as a potential target. I hate the situation I'm in, doing this to people I like and work with. Yet once you get older and your options start to dwindle, your mind starts to wander into inappropriate avenues. I'm perpetuate the situation even more by writing this blog entry but hopefully it will be more therapeutic once I get it off my mind.
At work I'm restricted to nurses and doctors. I've met a few patients and patients' relatives who look quite nice. Yet I don't think it is appropriate if I contacted them, especially if I abuse my powers as a doctor by getting their contact details through the medical records or even worse after they have been grieving over the death of their father who I have been looking after. Most often my contact with patients or patients' relatives is a one-off encounter where no emotional bond is established.
Most of the nurses I have encountered are OK. There are several whom I have the pleasure to work whom I have considered very nice. These are the women who are honest, generous and charitable - the kind you want to marry. If circumstances were different, then maybe... I have met another lot of nurses who are cute, who have the 'girl-next-door' appeal to them. I have only met one nurse who I consider sexy and only after I've seen photos of her outside work. No, not those kind of pictures if you have a filthy mind. Actually photos of her in casual clothing and with make-up. Currently there is a nice student nurse where I'm working but I don't know anything about her and all my impressions of her is she has nice eyes, since the rest of her face is covered up with the obligatory face masks all medical staff have to wear. It could turn out she has a boyfriend (always the first item I think of to get me down), she is actually really ugly or she could be a real bitch.
Doctors are not that much better of an option. Most of the colleagues I have worked with are already hooked up, maybe a bit too young for me or we are just too different. Again I'm currently working with a nice female doctor who is cute but really I just want to have sex with her - that's all.
Next I'm potentially walking into a dangerous minefield by considering friends. I could ultimately destroy our friendship by going out with them but as I said before, I'm desperate. There's only one friend I would really contemplate. She's very generous, nice and clever. She could be a bit too conservative and too beautiful for me and she could already have a boyfriend. Also I'm too afraid of rejection and abject humiliation to ask them out. I've been also looking at friends of friends on Facebook but again, I'm too scared to approach.
So I'm approaching thirty, I've still a virgin which I shouldn't care about but it is damaging my fragile male ego, I don't go out much and I still live at home with my parents. Yes I'm going to be lonely for a long time.