It's been a long time

It has been a long time since I written in my blog. For the first time at work, I've been busy. I'm currently in my internal medicine rotation as an intern and it's been a constant stream of labour. I've been admitting patients, left, right and centre. I've been setting intravenous drips and taking arterial blood. Even after two months in the job, I'm still incapable of setting up BiPAP/CPAP/ventilators for people who have difficulty breathing or setting up drug drips for atrial fibrillation. I know that last sentence may have flown over some people but just let me say that I should be able to do that.

Also for the past two months I have been miserable. I saw my psychiatrist last week and I related to him that I have been feeling depressed since I started my final rotation. I don't mind the workload in internal medicine but the difficulty of the situation coupled with some really nasty superiors doesn't make it better. Perhaps it is the anxiety of having to go to interviews and get a job which has led me feeling more sad. Or it could be the impending future, having to take on more responsibility, rising to become a resident and still don't know anything or give a crap if a patient lives or dies.

It is not like I don't have matters to write about - my misery in internal medicine and having to deal with psychosomatic symptoms when I'm on-call, like chest discomfort, palpitations and muscle cramping, my forthcoming future and having to sort out things such as buying a car and pay taxes, how Playboy Playmates look great but when you hear them speak you know they don't have two brain cells which you could bump together and Susan Boyle.

But right now I'm not that enthusiastic about writing about anything. I rather keep surfing the internet and watching "Red Dwarf" episodes, which I have managed to watch the entire back catalogue. I've gone into the mode where being stationary is comforting.