In the doldrums

I don't know why or how to explain the situation but I'm miserable. I'm not enjoying life at the moment but I cannot find a reason why I should be hating my life. To paraphrase a fine author, Nicky Hornby, from his famous book "Fever Pitch", I have a good job, in reasonable good health and family plus friends who like me. So why should I be in the doldrums?

Could the job application situation be the problem? All the interns are talking about the inteviews they are having right now and I know I have to wait for the Family Medicine interviews, which are later than other specialties. I'm not worried about getting an interview, or even a job. Probably I'm just fed up of my fellow house officers talking nothing except their job prospects.

Yet even that cannot really explain why I'm so lacklustre in my job. The workload is not that excessive and I'm able to manage quite contently. Yet I don't get that satisfaction anymore of helping people or doing something to impress other people. Basically I stopped caring about anything. I may have even pissed off another professor in a different department, bringing the number of specialties I have officially pissed off to three (four if there is an official complaint and they have to talk to my head).

I'm even losing interest in the hobbies I used to love. I don't watch movies so often anymore, at home or even in the cinema. I just want to stay at home and forget about society & civilization. I don't follow the NBA anymore, having no interest or time. Probably the difference is I'm pointing my interests into other areas, such as cooking and British comedy.

I wish I could get out of this rut but something about me likes being in here...