Obsessive compulsiveness as my (poor) coping mechanism

To avoid my depression sliding further down, I tend to perform repetitive tasks. Essentially I have somewhat become obsessive compulsive. I have not reached  the extent that my condition has become an disorder, affecting by daily routine, but significant enough for myself to acknowledge the situation is not ideal.

My first method was to collect photos of cheerleaders and race queens. Originally the material was to form an offline library for the purposes of... well you can guess what I - a single straight male - was going to use the photos for. However as time went on, it become more of an obsessive compulsive task and did not form any of its primary purpose.

Considering how much material there was on the internet, the logical & sane part of me knew I wouldn't be able to collect all the photos and would spend too much time browsing the internet. So the non-depressed and depressed sections of psyche formed an agreement, to place some criteria so I wouldn't be submerged in my own patheticness:

• I would only collect studio photos, so no pictures of events or in-action shots. I wanted a plain background. As to why I wanted a plain background...
• Photos from the same team had to be of the same dimensions (e.g. all the individual photos of the cheerleaders from the Buffalo Bills would be 400 x 600 pixels, if the majority of the individual photos were of that size). As some photos were of different sizes, I would have to adjust the dimensions and alter the background - having a plain background made this task easier. Considering how much time the editing took, I did cut down the time by downloading a program which performed the task more quickly.
• The photos had to have a minimum width of 200 pixels and minimum height of 300 pixels - basically I wouldn't have to strain my eyesto see the photos. There weren't any maximum dimensions but I did reduce some larger photos just so I could fit all the photos on one CD/DVD. 
• For naming of the file, individual photos would be numbered, group photos would be lettered (e.g. Los Angeles Lakers a, Los Angeles Lakers b).
• To stop me constantly searching the internet every day or checking the homepage of each team, I had to form a spreadsheet with the date I last checked the webpage and when I should recheck the webpage. 

I know this "hobby" makes me very perverted and extremely creepy. The collection started with cheerleaders and race queens, but did spread to other areas. At some point I came to the realisation this wasting my time and I had to stop. Eventually I did put an end to the photo collection, after seven years. The material is still stored on some CDs/DVDs and my external hard drive. I have rarely look at the photos since. Some part of me doesn't want to delete the files, consider how much time and effort I spent collating this hoard.

After ending this obsessive compulsive behaviour, I knew I had to focus my coping mechanism to something which was at least constructive. Since 2013, my way of ignoring my depression and real life has been vacation research. I plan my holidays to the minutest detail. Every aspect of the trip is thoroughly researched, websites are constantly refreshed for the latest prices, Google is repeatedly used to find the best discounts and the itinerary is revised for the 22nd time. All this research goes into spreadsheets. I even have material for vacations I wanted to go on but were cancelled or ideas I have had. There is a big file regarding a massive US & Canada road trip and a gigantic European rail journey that I did in 2016, just when I converted to being a part-time doctor and was really thinking of taking a year off to travel.

The fascination with spreadsheets continues, with another Excel document detailing my travel expenses over the past 5 years. Everything transaction is tracked, categorised and analysed. The logical part of me convinces myself why I keep a detailed travel expenses spreadsheet is so I can better plan my vacations but deep down I know is my obsessive-compulsiveness.

My obsessive-compulsiveness does have some limits. For example, another collection I have are the radio programmes and podcasts I have collected over the past 10+ years. Some programmes I do listen to again and some I don't. There are podcasts which have introductions to other shows at the beginning and end, or advertisements in the middle of the programme. But I don't edit those out - I know that would significantly waste my time. However I like to keep things organised (another way to say you are obsessive compulsive) by making sure the file is named the correct way, with the appropriate metadata (episode title, artist, collection name, etc.) properly labelled.


I tend to watch my favourite TV shows and listen to my favourite podcasts / radio programmes far too often. Even though I listen to "Fighting Talk" and "No Such Thing As A Fish", I tend to repeatedly play "The Bugle" and "The News Quiz" podcasts. I really have to force myself to listen to the first mentioned podcasts, which I tend to do when I'm doing other tasks - driving, doing my shoulder rehabilitation. The same goes with "Mock The Week" and "QI" - these are on a loop on my computer where I should be trying to use my Netflix more often.

My latest project has been Hong Kong hotel buffets. I have made several spreadsheets (what a surprise!) documenting nearly all the hotel buffets that are available in Hong Kong and finding what discounts I can get. If I had more computer skills, I would have set up a website. At least this time the project has been applicable, using the data three times in eating out and saving money.

I really wish my obsessive compulsive behaviour could be turned into something productive for work. I really should be trying to make myself write notes in preparation in seeing patients in specialty clinics but still I try to find the latest discounts on brunch buffets...