Cream of the crop

I apologize for my rather abrupt ending of my last blog entry. I was finishing the entry before one of my classes and I didn't think of ending it properly. We all think that everything should end neatly in life but it is rarely so. Look at death - most of the time it comes unexpectedly and at that moment do you really think you have finished everything you want to do? Of course not. Hopefully this blog entry will not be like that, although I don't promise anything.

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In my last blog entry I stated that I don't watch the local shows since of their poor quality, to put it midly. So if I don't watch anything from the local channels, what do I watch?

Recently I watch cooking shows on Discovery Travel and Living. Mainly I watch just to get ideas of what to cook. I can cook but getting ideas on exciting recipes is what sets me apart from the chefs who work in restaurants. I like Jamie Oliver as he makes food simple and not so artsy-fartsy like some other cooks, like Nigella Lawson and Gordon Ramsey.

I try not to watch dramas or any series, only because I know if I watch one episode I have to watch the whole series and that is too much of a commitment. That goes mainly for "24" but I'm waiting for my rotation to finish and am using my two week break to download "House" plus "Doctor Who". I cannot be bothered to wait each week for one episode, so I rather just download the whole series and watch it at my leisure. Probably in the future that will be what TV will be like. Instead of waiting each week to watch one episode, people will subscribe to shows where they can watch in their own time. The problem of advertisement still has to be resolved but I think some people would rather have than the current situation. Loads of people download shows off the internet, mainly episodes that have been screened a long time ago. I'm not in a rush to see that episode and talk about it around the water cooler.

My favourite kind of shows are British comedy panel shows. I constantly in hysterics while watching these shows. I could give a description of each show but Wikipedia and Youtube do a much better job than I could.

First up is "Have I Got News For You" which takes a comical look at the news. It has been going on for more than fifteen years, so it must have something going for it. The best moment is when then-host Angus Deayton had his private rummage with a prostitute revealed in the tabloids and the two team captains, Ian Hislop and Paul Merton, ridicule him during the next show. Enjoy the moment.



Another show is "QI" which is short for "Quite Interesting". You learn something but you crack up at the same time. The most classic moment was in series two's Christmas special when the host Stephen Fry swaps places with constant loser Alan Davies. Just watch and laugh.



Finally the last show I like to recommend is "Mock the Week". For those who know the show it is best described as a mixture of "Have I Got News For You" and "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" which is ironic since the creators of "Mock the Week" and "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" are one and the same. One of the best sketches is Rory Bremner, famed for his impersonations of famous people, performing as George Bush.



I know that the programmes in US and UK have better funding but that doesn't give Hong Kong an excuse to make piss poor TV series. Back in the 80s the TV shows and movies were of top quality. So where did that go? Hopefully Hong Kong people realize that there is much more out there and demand better TV from their local channels.

Turning your brain into mush

I don't watch much local television; primarily because I don't have time, having my head in my notes or textbooks. The main reason why I don't watch TVB Jade or ATV Home is that the quality of programming is not up to the standard I demand. In other words, the Chinese TV shows are shit.

Everybody thinks I am biased against anything from Hong Kong and favour everything from England - that's not true. I recognized that there are shit programmes from UK and USA. You just have to look at the soap operas on offer: "Eastenders" and "Coronation Street" from England; "As the World Turns" and "General Hospital" in USA. Yet those countries can seem to produce high quality television programmes as well, such as "Pride and Prejudice" (still worth watching despite being twelve years old) and my favourite TV show of all time, "The West Wing". It just seems that all of Hong Kong television is crap. I understand they have budget restrictions but at least they could try harder. The screenplay and plot are so predictable, I could become a clairvoyant. The acting is more wooden than the Amazon forest. The setting and technical stuff such as camera work and editing look like a twelve year old kid was behind the project. People tell me to watch local television to improve my Cantonese but if that pile of drivel is on the show, I rather have crap language skill thank you very much.

The news is about the same quality as the television programming. I don't blame the newsreaders or hosts - it is just the quality of news on offer that bugs me. Hong Kong news is the same as local news in USA or UK. It is just reporting on local crimes or incidents which will affect very little people. I rathe watch international news which will affect more people and is a little more dramatic. However I do not watch or read anything about Iraq or Israel anymore. Those problems are always going to be on our TV and won't change in the near future.

Chelsea FC - the antichrist

Before I forget, I was writing about the review/preview of the Premier League teams. As I remember, my club was Chelsea.

After Manchester United, Chelsea must be the most hated club in the Premier League. Roman Abramovich might have bought success to the club with his billions but the added weight includes having to hire the arrogant Jose Mourinho as manager plus the envy of other clubs and their supporters in the ability to dish out cash like water for other players.

However thanks to the boring horrible way Chelsea play under Mourinho, Abramovich has tightened his purse strings and so the club had to entice free agents rather than buy players from other clubs. Steven Sidwell, Tal Ben Haim and Claudio Pizarro have come to Chelsea on free transfers but on exorbitant wages.

Still this is a club which has won two titles in a row plus the FA Cup and League Cup. Chelsea are not a club to be discounted, especially with Mourinho at the helm. He's a prick but he's good at his job. Like Allardyce, he knows that it doesn't matter how you play just as long as you get three points at the end. So expect them to be back in the hunt for the title this coming season. They still need a couple of players - preferably a centre back plus a right back - plus they need to get rid of any rotten wood, such as Paulo Ferreira, Boulahrouz and Wright-Phillips but they should be Manchester United's main challengers to the title.

Captain's Log, Stardate 415687.2

I'm sick and tired of people mocking my accent, including close friends. I have been regarded by people to have a 'perfect British accent', similar to the newsreaders on BBC World, even at a British boarding school. Lately is has become a problem in bedside teaching. Twice I have pronounced 'eczema' the correct way, as in 'ecks-ma'. However people in Hong Kong with their crummy English pronounce 'eczema' as 'ex-see-ma'. So with their crummy hearing as well they think I am saying 'asthma'. Heck they even say that wrong, pronouncing 'asthma' as 'ass-see-ma' instead of 'ass-ma'. At times I really do hate ignorant people.

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The 300 square foot flat I'm currently staying in with my mum has lately become crowded. Since my dad is away on conference, that means are rather large two golden retrievers will be living with us for about a week and half. They are getting use to the new environment but it has been quite a culture shock for them. They have been raised in the countryside and suddenly going to the city with its bright lights and traffic has them startled. It was more a problem for Nala, the younger female, since she will only pee on grass. With the lack of vegetation in Kennedy Town, it has lead to worries of damp floors at our flat. Hopefully that situation won't happen.

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Live Earth has come and gone. There have been criticisms and positive responses but hopefully people should come away with the correct message. My brother got to go - lucky bastard.

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I have spotted another Starbucks in a hospital. This time it is at Princess Margaret Hospital in Mei Foo. This is just the beginning. Soon Starbuck will completely rule the earth. You have been warned.

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I constantly fall asleep in class - why is that? Even if I get a good night's sleep, I will doze off. My psychiatrist tell me it is due to lack of concentration plus I consider sleep as a way to escape from the harsh realities of the world. It still doesn't help me. I've tried many things such as coffee and getting sleep beforehand but sometime it works and sometime it doesn't. Hopefully it won't affect me much.

Rated XXX

I think about sex too much of the time. From a TV advertisement it stated that men think about sex every seventeen seconds. I reckon that I think about sex more often than that. Thoughts of sexual acts pop in my mind every so often, ranging from the general sexual intercourse between a non-descriptive but nonetheless beautiful and sexy women & myself, to banging Keira Knightly or one of my friends or group peers. These thoughts can wander into my brain at any situation - in class, while I'm catching the bus or just when I'm bored studying.

Right now I like to clarify I'm not obsessive about sex - I can block out the thoughts and continue with my work and they tend to come when I'm bored and not occupied. I tend to worry that I'm too much of a pervert compared to the rest of the population. Yet I believe I am more open about sexuality than other people. Sex to me is completely natural - why be ashamed about it or try to hide it? That is why I cannot be a conservative - you try to hide too many things from one another, when putting it out in the open creates discussion and tolerance.

My belief is that my sexual pre-occupation is connected to my total lack of a significant partner and a sex life. The word 'desperate' comes to the forum when thinking about it. I have thought about rectifying the matter - words like 'prostituition' and 'rape' spring forth but thankfully my conscience beats that down before any more thoughts along those lines proceed.

I just wish that more people were similarly like-minded about sex.

Ten years on (continued)

So where was I? When you last heard from me, I was dissing how Hong Kong was so crap. I know some people has loyalties to this place, considering they grew up here and consider Hong Kong their hometown. I grew up in England and I know I would defend that place. Yet I know what is wrong with England: Everything is so damn expensive; there is still a class system even if people don't admit it; the transportation and the health care system is a shambles and will collapse anytime soon, thanks to this Labour government. Why are we so loyal to our hometown or country when we know some things are wrong.

Take Hong Kong for example - not only can I point out things are wrong with the people but also the place:

1. There are way too many buses, cars and taxis here: That is why the transportation system is so effective here. It is also the reason why Hong Kong has such a poor air pollution problem and why so many Hong Kong people are spoilt. They will not walk 10 metres for a bus stop but will wait for a bus to come to them.
2. The air pollution is too much of a problem: Let's stop blaming the weather or the factories in China but blame ourselves for contributing to this mess. The thing that annoys me the most is that we don't do anything about it. The government always rattle on about the economic side whilst the population have no concept on what is environmentally friendly and don't want to.
3. This has got to be the dirtiest place on earth: In terms of education and economy, we have got to be the dirtiest bastards on the earth. We don't pick up litter after ourselves and the toilets here are revolting. I still blame most of the Mainland Chinese people for this. Yes I know I am being prejudice and stereotyping people but I do really see this happening - Mainlanders throwing litter around and spread fluid everywhere in the lavatories.
4. Anything 'Western' is expensive: If you live on Chinese or local stuff, that is fine and every is not expensive. If you want a can of baked beans, the price goes up.

Before I bore everyone to death, I know that this is my own opinion but remember that I have lived here for twelve long years, so I do know what I am talking about.

Ten years on

To those who don't know, Hong Kong will be celebrating its tenth anniversary of its handover from United Kingdom to China. Naturally there has been a big fuss over this anniversary. Many events and shows have been organized over the past few months, with Hong Kong Disneyland offering free entry to children born in 1997 and Hu Jintao, China's president, in town for the festivities. At this very moment, a celebratory concert has just finished. In attendance was various big wigs watching many of the leading singers and stars performing. It is set to continue tomorrow in rather appalling weather.

After ten years, it is right we have a large celebration. Hong Kong has managed to thrive despite various obstacles - the Asian financial collapse soon after the handover; the SARS epidemic in 2003 plus the massive political rally soon after that. Hong Kong has changed quite considerably over the past decade. The region has become more wealth despite the initial setback and people have become more aware of their rights.

Yet there are drawbacks of living in Hong Kong. Everybody who knows me I hate Hong Kong with a passion more than Hitler hated the Jews. But I can see why Hong Kong appeals to some people. Some of these reasons were highlighted in a recent BBC News article. It has a nice tropical climate, most material goods are reasonably cheap and the transportation is efficient. Yet most of this is coming from Caucasians who interact little with the local community. Once you live the locals you start to know that not all is well in the state of Denmark... I mean Hong Kong. I'm going to try to highlight some of the things I hate about Hong Kong. I know some of these may happen somewhere else in the world but it seems exponentially heighten in Hong Kong.

1. Hong Kong people are naive and stupid: A few years ago Jiang Zemin, then President of China, responded to very stupid questioning from Hong Kong journalists by saying they were "simple and naive." I totally agree with him - although Hong Kong people are famed for their memorization and dictation, they lack any logical thought or creative thinking. The environment they are brought up in just suppresses that.
2. Hong Kong people care only for themselves: Although there are many people who perform voluntary service and donate to charity, a vast majority of people will not offer their seat to the needy in a public transport setting. It is the same with doctors - we are told to cover our own asses more than to think of the patients' needs.
3. Hong Kong people care only for money: In a city where the majority of its wealth is generated through the finance sector, unfortunately this is the end result. My father, a university chemistry professor, is rather disgusted by the attitude of his students. Most of them view their degree as just a means to get a good job, so they don't attend most of his classes and expect him to provide all the notes they need for their exams. The same attitude is politics as well - they will tend to fund areas in education which have tangible results, such as business, law and engineering rather than history, science and arts.
   
4. Hong Kong people lack any creativity: I don't think we have any creative people at all in Hong Kong or they are just not well known or well paid enough. We have very few stand-up comedians in Hong Kong, with the general public tending to laugh at what I call low-grade toilet humour. The Hong Kong film industry is a mess thanks to film piracy and the lack of creativity. You look at our culture and it is just an amalgamation of American and Japanese influence... which leads me on to my next point.
5. Hong Kong people have not national identity: You ask Hong Kong people and they will say they are proud to be Chinese but necessarily proud to be from Hong Kong. This comes from the fact that a lot of people living in Hong Kong have immigrated here from various parts of China and are just here for the money.
6. Hong Kong people lack guts: This comes from the Chinese concept of not wanting to "lose face." Hong Kong people rather play it safe and not risk anything. I look at my peers and see that none of them don't want to answer a question in case they get it wrong, even if they are not being assessed on the result.
   

I'll stop here because I know people are getting bored but at some point, probably tomorrow, I'll go on with my list.

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My brother got Live Earth London tickets and decided not to go just because my Dad was going to be in town on his way to a conference. The whole family thought he was crazy and told him so. Finally we have talked some sense into him and he is going to Wembley.

Simba

This is Simba, my dog. When I mean my dog, he really belongs to my parents since they chose to have the dog and paid quite a lot of money for him. But I do have some responsibility in bringing him up, having to pick up his sh*t and training him what to do.

Simba was born in September 2002 in Australia and came to Hong Kong. He's nearly five years old now and weighs about 80 pounds. I know what you must be thinking - that is big. Basically it is due to too many snacks.


Simba loves his sleep time at home. That what he usually does, tending to ignore Nala our other dog. Funnily enough, when he's awake he's not totally awake, almost in a sleepy state but whilst he's asleep he can be woken up very easily. He's almost in a semi-sleep state most of the time!

As much as Simba loves his sleep, he loves his weekend walks a lot. Usually it is my parents who take him but sometimes I do tag along. Sometimes he goes with his dog friends and their owners from the Golden Retriever Club of Hong Kong.

He loves swimming although he was reluctant to at first. My parents really had to push him quite literally. There's a place nearby our home which has a waterfall where he can swim.

I'm gonna shut up now and let you enjoy some nice photos of Simba. Most of them were taken by my dad.

Bolton Wanderers

I'm going to stop torturing myself about love, romance and girls for a bit to write about the team I hate the most in the Premier League - Bolton Wanderers. I just despise for the way they seem to get victories against Arsenal out of nothing and the way they play is not very attractive to the eye.

Last season was a turning point. Even though they ended the season on a whimper, Bolton managed to gain an UEFA Cup spot. After three consecutive seasons in the top seven, Sam Allardyce realized he had taken the Wanderers as far as he could with their limited fan base and financial support. He knew if he wanted to win trophies and be truly respected as a manager, he needed to go to another club which could match his ambitions.

This left Bolton with Sammy Lee. Although he may be a good coach, having been at Liverpool and the English national team, this is his first time as manager. He has started his campaign well, getting rid of the excess weight in the squad and bringing in players he wants. The only thing that concerns me about Bolton is the lack of wingers. It seems that Lee will go for a 4-3-3 formation which Allardyce favoured and will also use the long ball technique, packing the midfield when they lose the ball.

Bolton fans have to reasonably expect that they won't finish seventh this season. A top half finish will be the best they can hope for. Maybe they can make up for it in the cup competitions this time around.

"It's a self preservation thing... you see"

I like to torture myself mentally & emotionally. I like to think that most of my friends have abandoned me, that they don't contact me, not because they are busy, but they genuinely don't care. I can prove this by saying that only one person from my original year (MBBS04) ever contacts me. None of the others do. Nobody contact me from MBBS05 but at least a few contact me from MBBS06 - about four actually. I don't receive any contact from people I went to secondary school with, apart from one or two. They contact other people but they never get in touch with me. I like to think they have lives to live but in my mind they are just frightened of having a friend with depression or that we were never close, that our friendship was a farce.

I don't just torture myself with friendship. I inflict pain with other aspects of my life but mostly with love. Whenever I meet a girl I like, I automatically think that she will not like me. I give myself excuses - she already has a boyfriend, she hates me for no apparent reason, she's a lesbian, etc. I do that with the current girl I'm infatuated with. Throughout this morning's lecture when I sat next to her, this was going through my mind - she won't like me because I'm overweight, stupid, acne-ridden, ugly and geeky.

So why do I do this to myself? Why do I self-mutilate my ego? Perhaps misery loves company, that I love being miserable. My depression has a tendency to perpetuate itself at times, especially when the rock has gathered momentum down the hill. Or perhaps I'm preparing for the worst, that if something like this actually happens it won't damage as much as it should have?

Yet I genuinely want to stop torturing myself but don't know how. The only way I can see it happening is for someone to tell me that I am wrong and to prove it in front of me, that my friends actually care or that a girl will like me for who I am.

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Genuinely been miserable for the past few days. Infatuated with a girl who probably hates my guts, doing Paediatrics which I hate the most and now Thierry Henry has left Arsenal to join Barcelona.

Overachieving

To get myself from thinking about the girl in my group, I am going to write about Blackburn's prospects for this upcoming season.

I place Blackburn Rovers into a group of teams that are overachieving. Along with Bolton Wanderers, Portsmouth and Reading, they have attained league placings beyond their financial status and fan support. Last season was a good season despite what the table tells the football fan. Coping with an European campaign where they got past the group stages, they managed to change their domestic season around to qualify for Intertoto Cup. Even though that means an early start to the upcoming season, it will mean another turn in the UEFA Cup.

Their inability to cope with the big boys in the transfer market will mean that a whole lot of new players won't be coming in but that won't necessarily be a problem. They will get some money for selling fringe players such as Andy Todd, Michael Gray and Francis Jeffers but ultimately all they need is another three players. A right back is a priority as I cannot see Emerton playing a whole season in an unaccustomed role. Some support in midfield is good but not essential. A young striker would be vital for their long term health.

If Blackburn manages to maintain their current league stature and do well in the cups, I think it would be a good season for them. Now is the time for Mark Hughes' men to start asserting themselves on the league.

It is better to have loved and lost then to never loved at all.

In my previous entry, I touched upon the circumstances of my love life, or lack thereof. Why of a sudden have I written about this aspect of my life?

I don't need reminding about my single status. There are constant clues in my daily routine. One of my best friends is married and when I searched on Facebook I noticed that two of my friends from secondary school are married. Tons of friends are in relationships - it seems to be "in fashion". Being single seems to be vilified nowadays. Surely there must be something wrong with you that makes you unattractive to the opposite sex and is the reason why you have no significant partner. Maybe you are too obsessed about your career or you difficult to deal with - who knows?

As I started a new rotation in Paediatrics, I had to join a new group. This group contained a few people with a similar background - Hong Kong people growing up in a more Westernized culture. I have noticed one girl (who shall not be named). She's sweet and nice from first impressions... and this spells disaster for me.

I know in my desperate state that I would latch on to any girl who I would think could be my girlfriend. That fact is that I hardly know this girl. OK she's nice looking and good to talk to but that is from one single conversation lasting half hour. What if she has a boyfriend already? What if she turns out to be a bitch like Dora? What if she cannot cope with a boyfriend with depression? That's a lot of "what ifs".

I know I don't need a relationship right now - there's too much on my plate at the moment. I don't want to burden a girl knowing she will have to cope with my depression and the possibility that I will leave Hong Kong. Yet it is difficult to stop thinking about romance and love when you never had any. Constant reminders such as couples holding hands or girlfriends following their boyfriends around like little Scottish Terriers keep telling you that you are lonely and desperate.

It is not easy being single. You may have your freedom but you sacrifice companionship.

Plenty of fish in the sea

My laptop's hard drive was totally fried, which meant I had to get a new hard drive and lost my files. Luckily I have back-ups somewhere else.

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In terms of love and romance, I know I am a desperate guy. Is it my fault? Partially, since I'm a very shy person and the opposite sex does frighten me a lot. I have tried and have been met with failure all the time. I handle rejection very poorly - one time, I tried to kill myself. So I tend to not go after the opposite sex unless I am absolutely sure. Yet my choices are limited. I'm not that picky about who I am willing to date but I do have criteria. I like somebody from a similar background, which means for a Hong Kong person the ability to speak English and have a more Western mentality. A lady like that in Hong Kong is very hard to find. Most females in Hong Kong have a mentality of a five year old girl, who dress in sneakers, black leggings, shorts and a dress, like "Twins" (a female pop duo for those who don't know) and use a strange mix of English and Cantonese. Most of the time I roll my eyes up in front of these girls.

This predicament has left me without a girlfriend for my entire life and a virgin - something I will admit but not proudly. I have heard friends say that is something not to be ashamed of. Lots of people date late in life and have sex for the first time in their thirties. I know my friends are trying to encourage me but right now it seems that my love life is due to circumstances and not by choice. People tend to neglect romance for various reasons - work, study, family problems, religion. It is within their control to decide whether to date or not. It is not within my control, unless I change my standards.

I'm not picky but I settle for one... just one.

"I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for you meddling kids."

Bear with me if you don't see a new entry in my blog (not that anybody reads it) but since my laptop is in for another fix, I'm without internet access for this week.

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I have just started my Paediatric rotation this week. I haven't been looking forward to this rotation for a long time, mainly because I hate kids. Some people love kids but I tend to focus on the negative aspects - how they cannot behave, how they scream at such a high-pitch that your ears start to bleed and how they can ruin your life.

I hate their parents even more. I know they are right most of the time regarding the health of the child but in terms of upbringing, I really wish the government start implementing licenses on people who can or cannot bring up children. There are parents who spoil their children rotten, believing it is a good thing whilst there are parents who just totally leave the care of their kids with domestic helpers. I can appreciate that bringing up children is a difficult task but there are parents who fail miserably and cannot grasp the basic concepts.

I hate the Paediatric teachers at our hospital. I think they are out-of-touch with the outside world and don't know what to demand from the students. They have this Jekyll and Hyde personality - they are great with kids but suddenly turn nasty towards students. I just can't respect people who cannot treat other people equally - they have to fake their feelings to one group.

I know I just have to manage the next eight weeks with great courage and strength. God (and only God) can help me.

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When reviewing Birmingham City, the football club highlights the problem facing all the promoted clubs and the reason why most of them are doomed to relegation. One can look at the forward line-up and see that other Premier League defences are not going to scared. The likes of DJ Campbell, Rowan Vine and Cameron Jerome are not going to set the top division alight with their goals. The midfield are not going to contribute much goals either, apart from McSheffrey. Birmingham City used mainly brute force in midfield to barge their way to second spot but have left out creative influences such as the two Neils, Danns & Kilkenny. They have done well to bounce back in one season but they need to do much more the second time around.

Major investment is required through out the team. Three more defenders are needed whilst a right winger is also required but most importantly they will need a striker. The top scorer last season has left so they will need someone who can net fifteen goals a season. Five players require a large amount of money but will the club provide the funds? I know that a lot of Premier League clubs are in the midst of takeovers with the promise of transfer funds but will the new owners provide them?

At the moment, Birmingham City seemed doomed to the drop. But if they get the right players they can survive... just.

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This summer's transfer window has really been boring. Apart from Manchester United, none of the other clubs have really invested into players. Even Chelsea has gone on the cheap with three free transfers. What is going on?!

Keeping connections

I had a good discussion today with one of my best friends about friends. With the advent of Facebook, I've been getting in touch with people I have lost contact with for a number of years. Yet I ask myself the question, "Do I really want to?" I'm not saying they are bad people. From what I know about them in the past, I know they are quite good people. Yet over the years these people and I have drifted apart, leading separate lives and making different friends. In the end the only thing we may have in common is that we had classes together or were together in the same year in school. Is this reason enough to get in contact with them? I do care how they are doing but will my feelings be reciprocated?

What I am try to say (or write) is what is a friend. To some, friends are just people you go out with, to watch movies or have drinks. To me friends are much more than that. Friends are people you can trust and talk to about intimate matters, such as suffering from depression or having relationship problems. That is what friendship to means to me. The sad fact is I don't have contact with the two best friends are knew back in boarding school. Either it is my fault or their fault or a bit of both. One is right here in Hong Kong but so happens to be a doctor and is unreachable most of the time. The other is somewhere in USA where I cannot reach him. In fact the best person I know from boarding school is someone I gotten to know better after I left.

I'm not trying to get pity or make people feel guilt-ridden to contact me. At times I do feel jealous of people who say they have lots of friends or seem to have lots of contacts on Facebook. I just have to tell myself that not all people on Facebook are your best friends - some will be just casual acquaintances or peers that you knew/know. And that it is quality, not quantity that matters.

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I am so glad that I passed my Surgery Clerkship, even though I did some idiotic things during the exam (don't ask, please).

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Ladies of the world, please stop wearing black leggings with shorts/skirts/dresses. It doesn't look sexy, cute or stylish - it just looks plain ugly. I will strangulate the next women who does this with the black leggings itself. What guys want is skimpy clothing - spaghetti straps with lots of cleavage showing and very short shorts or miniskirt. Is that too much too ask?

The absence of originality

During a break from studying, I watched "The Island" starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. I had bad preconceptions for this film, since it didn't do very well at the box office. However I was pleasantly surprised, with Michael Bay making a decent thriller which engages you to wonder what would happen. Naturally the lead characters would survive but in the essence of romantic comedies, it's not the end result but how you get there that counts.

I think why the movie failed at the box office is that it had no fanbase. The concept was totally original. Nowadays most of the summer blockbusters you see are either sequels or have some fanbase. Spider-Man 3, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, Shrek the Third, The Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, Die Hard 4.0 and Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix are all sequels. Throw into the mix Transformers (I really want to see that) and the Simpsons Movie there is no big movie that has any originality. This is the state that Hollywood has degenerated to, that they are banking on reliable but unoriginal films without risk anything on new ideas. I wish that Hollywood stopped thinking less about the money and more about the creativity.

Aston Villa

I couldn't think of something topical to write. I could have written about the different between sex and love but it would take too long and I'm not in the mood. I could have gone into a long rant about how poorly women dress in Hong Kong but I've done that before and it will be some time before I go into that subject again. For now I will continue my Barclay's Premier League review/preview with Aston Villa.

Great things were expected from Villa last year. The went under new ownership, finally getting rid of Deadly Doug Ellis. Martin O'Neill, who worked his magic with Leicester City and Celtic, was brought into usher a new era. The new season started out well for Aston Villa - they were the last team to be beaten in the Premiership. Yet the facade soon gave way to the reality. They started to draw too many games and the squad was stretched thing. Only after the January transfer windown, when they finally brought in some players of decent calibre, were they able to climb up the table.

This season Martin O'Neill will be expected to do better. He will finally have the players he wants and a full pre-season training to mould his side into the way he wants to play. He still needs to get rid of some deadwood. The likes of Hendrie and Samuel have already left, with others to follow. Djemba-Djemba, Sutton and Delaney should be going with Sorensen, Hughes and Davis also likely to go. What they need still is a right back, possibly Phil Bardsley or Luke Young, a right winger with Shaun Wright-Phillips' name being tossed around and a forward - infinite possibilities here.

Martin O'Neill should be expected to get into Europe this season. In the long run he should be challenging the Big Four but he will require heavy investment into his squad.

My beloved club

For those who know me well, there are two loves that I have had since childhood. One is movies. The other is Arsenal F.C.

I follow my club religiously, even reading reports of our reserve games. Now with the season over, now would be a good time to reflect on the season that has passed and the one that will come. I will be looking at the rest of the Barclay's Premier League (note the name change) teams over the course of the summer. Naturally I would start with my club.

I hate to use the word "transition" but that is what Arsenal's season was all about. Starting at a new stadium and with most of the first team out through injuries lead to the use of youngsters in most of our games. The likes of Traore, Denilson and Song shone in the League Cup whilst Hoyte, Djourou, Senderos, Clichy, Diaby & Walcott got more time than would have normally got on the pitch. Hopefully the experience will help us next season.

Next season will be vital. With Arsene Wenger's future in the balance, he may view another trophyless season as a sign he has brought the club as far as he could and may want a new challenge. This would bring about an exodus of players from the club, who view Wenger as a father figure. The likes of Henry and Fabregas might leave with Wenger.

Yet wholesale changes are not needed. The likes of Almunia, Ljungberg and Flamini would most likely leave. Other possibilities include Gilbert, Djourou, Senderos and Hleb. To be quite frank, I only see Flamini leaving whilst Arsenal would most likely bring in another defender, preferably a left-footed player who can cover for Clichy, and a high-scoring midfielder is needed, with Rosicky, Hleb and Fabregas not finding the net much last season.

I know Arsenal will not win the title every season but I like to seem them have a go. We have the youth and the talent. We might not be able to compete on the financial level with the likes of Manchester United, Chelsea and Liverpool but on the pitch we are their equals. I like to see us improve our league position whilst winning something - I would settle for the League Cup if we used our youngsters.

Kicking up a fuss

Sometimes I really do hate the flu. I don't mind being sick - it is a natural part of life - but I seem to get the worst post-viral cough. That means you can hear me coughing a mile away, with me bringing up sputum like a geyser. Not the most pleasant of sounds or sights. Hopefully it will pass soon.

In two days time, I will be having exams followed by another exam a week later. Am I scared? Of course I am. I just think it is a natural reaction to stress. It is a life threatening situation in some sense. Everybody gets scared of exams, even if it doesn't help. But am I kicking up a fuss? No. I'm not that sort of person. I'm not the person who shows it, being histrionic and saying every fifteen seconds, "I am SO scared!" I hate people who do that. It serves no purpose what so ever. And who does this? You probably guessed, Dora. Even though I tell her not to do it to me, she still comes up to me and says, "I'm so stressed about this exam." Honestly at times I wish I never met Dora.

I also don't like people who talk about the exam afterwards. I don't mind the analysis, saying what mistakes we made and where we could have done better. But I hate the people who says they won't talk about the exam and then still do. I hate the people who keep worrying about the exam, despite the fact that there is nothing you can do to change the result.

And yet I know I will see this situation occur on Saturday, with all the girls going into a histrionic fit saying, "I am SO stressed!" I'm probably more stressed about that situation than the exam.

Sick and dying

I haven't made an entry into my blog for quite some time (nearly a week). I have only got one reason - I have had the flu since Tuesday. I contracted it from my mother (who got the flu on Sunday) and I've been laid low for the past three days. I sleep for most of the day. I'm too tired to eat or drink. When I'm awake I'm really cranky (unlike my mum who is REALLY cranky when she's sick). I often wonder why people get more cranky and irritable when they are sick, especially with the flu. There must have been studies done on this topic.

However this episode of flu was rather more severe than the previous episodes I had in the past. Usually I am capable enough to feed myself and get water. This time around, getting out of bed was a chore. During this time, I was thinking it could be something else. Pain when urinating - could it be an urinary tract infection? Well it wasn't a sharp stabbing dysuria and I hadn't vomited (yet). Extreme headache - meningitis? No neck stiffness or Kernig's sign excluded that differential diagnosis. Well today disproved all my conclusions - I'm much better although still tired with a cough, a stuffy nose, some nausea and some headache.

But I have a craving for McDonald's Chicken McNuggets and Krispie Kreme doughnuts.

"It's Good to Talk" and "Connecting people"

Yesterday was a rather surprising day. I talked to three of my good friends. Not just friends you would go out with and have a drink but people I can depend and rely on; people who would not judge me. It is suprising in the fact that most of my friends are now working and have progressed in life, while I am still stuck in a rut .

I had lunch with Vanessa, who at times can be a bit of an airhead and blunt. Will she change that? No. Would I still consider her a friend? Absolutely. Now I accept that she's not an airhead and she is honest. That is who she is and I wouldn't change that in the world. Not everybody has to think and talk like me.

It was great talking to her, catching up and doing what we do best - bitching about the state of Hong Kong. I think our idea of Hong Kong is one of the things we have in common. We think differently compared to 90% of the population. We don't accept the status quo and at times are willing to challenge it. It was just nice to talk to somebody who thinks on the same wavelength and doesn't accept "the Matrix phenomenon".

Later in the day, whilst waiting for my group peers to obtain the necessary equipment for practising our surgical skills (or lack of them), I got a call that I would never expect to get. I got a call from Herbert. For those who don't know Herbert, he's a great guy. Stylish, versatile and a bit eccentric. I lived with Herbert for two years but we share more than that. We both went to boarding school in England. We both had to repeat our first year of medical school. We both suffer from psychiatric disease - depression for me, bipolar disorder for him. We both had to put up with the eccentricities of our third flatmate - Poemen (more of him later).

Lately he had become slightly sociophobic. I tried contacting him over the past year with every means necessary - mobile, email, ICQ, text messaging. I was about to go on his new website and try contacting him that way. The last resort was using a carrier pigeon. Finally I got a call from him from out of the blue. It's just a relief to know that he is OK. He's doing OK. The only bad news was that he had to drop out of university, on the recommendation of his psychiatrist (who happens to be my psychiatrist). Nonetheless he is happier about it and that is what matters.

To complete our holy trinity, I got a call from Poemen. He's a bit eccentric, to put it mildly, but he's a great friend and he's mellowed out recently. To prove the point, he has a girlfriend which I thought would never happen. The real reason he called was to invite me out to have a drink and watch the Champions' League final. I decided not to for a lot of reasons:

1. Kickoff was 2:45 in the morning and even though the next day was a public holiday I was too tired.
2. It involves two teams that I don't care about. Just because Liverpool is a British team doesn't mean I have to support them. I don't support Spurs when they're in Europe.
3. I knew that Liverpool was going to lose. Milan had more drive and wanted revenge for two years earlier. I actually should have placed a bet, since I knew it would be 2-1 and Inzaghi would score.

We did catch up on the phone, just talking about how our lives were. He's about to take a good training position, away from real pressure and capable of having a normal life.

Days like yesterday just prove that you don't need a lot of friends. You just need good friends. Remember - quality not quantity.

Fashion and style are not the same

I know that fashion is not suppose to be logical and that when it comes to clothes, I am very conservative and old-fashioned. Nonetheless I find some of the current fashion a bit of an eyesore, especially concerning women.

I thought it was just isolated to Hong Kong but having seen some photos from abroad, I know this is a global phenomenon. I am writing about women wearing leggings or tights underneath shorts, skirts or dresses. It seems to be the new chic thing. From a personal point of view, I think it looks disgusting. I know I shouldn't dress it with logic but when I see a women with black leggings and wearing denim shorts, it is just screaming to me, "I'm a women who is such a prude, I don't want anybody to see my legs. But I still want to wear shorts. So I'm wearing black leggings instead." Why don't you just wear trousers instead? It wouldn't cost you that much, only buying one item of clothing instead of two. The only other person in society who wear long leggings and shorts are clowns. Think about that. Even worse is when you wear different colour shorts and leggings. It immediately draws attention to yourself, in a bad way.

I like women to dress traditionally (but not necessarily conservatively). I like women with skirts/dresses. I know it makes you legs cold but if you want to attract the opposite sex there is a price to pay. The same with high heels - no pain, no gain. With all this in consideration, I don't mind if women wear trousers or shorts, just as long as you still look good.

Which brings me on to another subject - footwear. A bad habit of mine is to stare at the ground a lot. Which means I inspect footwear a lot. For some reason when women wear shorts wearing shoes and socks just doesn't match. For guys, it is OK but for ladies it just makes you look dorky for some reason. If you have to wear shorts, only sandals and feminine shoes (e.g. high heels) would only work. Please don't wear long socks and shoes - again, the clown look comes to mind. The same goes with dresses & skirts - shoes just don't match, only sandals will.

I know this, coming from a guy, may sound hippocritical. I know most guys cannot dress themselves but I tend to think I have a bit of dress sense. I know I still dress like I am in high school but at least I don't make myself stand out in a bad way. Unlike some women...

And isn't most of the time the way you dress is suppose to attract the opposite sex?

Some dog photos

And now for something completely different...

Some of you know that I (or should I say my parents) have two dogs. Simba is a four and half years old male golden retriever whilst Nala is a two year old female golden retriever. Both are from the same breeder and are distantly related.

As those who are using Facebook know, I have posted some baby photos. For those who have not seen the light and not connected to Facebook, here are some of the photos.


This is Nala. She's about ten weeks old in the photo and it was taken back in June 2005. She looks cute in the photo but, like a girl, the cuteness is just a facade as she is a homewrecker. Just ask any of my dad's garden plants and my slippers for reference.

This is Simba. He's eight weeks old in the photo. Actually this photo was taken by the breeder, just before he was shoved into a small box and took an eight hour flight just to reach us. Let's just say he wasn't smelling of roses at the end of his flight.

Some day I will post more grown up pictures of these two homewreckers and write a bit about their personalities. Yes, dogs do have personalities.

Beauty and the Beast

One of my friends wrote on his blog about feeling ashamed for going after beautiful women. I wrote to him, saying it was nothing ashamed about. Even I still go after the attractive women. It just surprises me the human race still haven't learnt that beautiful women are not what they seem.

I can understand the logic from a biological behavioural perspective. People are attracted to beautiful people because they want to mate with them, thus producing beautiful children and ensuring the survival of the species. Thus being beautiful has an advantage in the survival game. Yet with the superior intelligence that humans have over animals, I would have thought that we would have evolved from this idea. Apparently not, since most males and females are still attracted to the physical form, rather than the emotional. The human race is still swayed by the media as to what is beautiful and what is not. What defies logic is that most men are attracted to those ultra-skinny supermodels. These ladies, although attractive, would find it difficult to bear children considering most of them are infertile (those with medical knowledge will know why).

On a side note, I am inclined to think that most beautiful women don't have a nice personality and the same would go for men. They know they can use their looks and body to get what they want and have no qualms about doing so. Not that I am saying there are no good looking people who are nice - I know a few - but this minority is overshadowed by the people who look good but are evil inside. If you want an example, my ex-friend Dora would apply but for an example everybody can relate to, Cameron Diaz as everybody knows is quite stunning. However in a survey of autograph seekers, she comes last in terms of personality. She refuses to sign autographs and has been known to berate autograph seekers, saying they have no life and should find something else to do. The same would apply to Angelina Jolie. She looks amazing but would you want her as your wife? She probably be amazing in bed but she's already been divorced twice and she 'stole' Brad Pitt from Jennifer Aniston.

Which brings me on to another matter. We automatically assume that beautiful people would be great at sexual intercourse. But there is no reasoning behind that. Of course you can assume that most beautiful people would attract the opposite sex more often than less beautiful people and the frequency of sexual intercourse is much increased. But the human being has evolved from being polygamous. There are beautiful people who remain virgins or stay with the same partner. There is no correlation between somebody's looks and the bedroom technique. Probably the best people in bed are the people who are easy, i.e. sluts and the male equivalent (is there such a word for it?).

All this knowledge probably won't make me stop looking at beautiful women. But I would think twice before thinking about them as a partner.

Brain drain

At times (actually most of the time) I feel incredibly stupid. Since I'm repeating most of my final year, I should know most of the information required to pass. However whenever I am asked a question or there is a problem in front of me, there is an air of silence since I don't know the answer.

People say that depression will do this to you, that your memory and concentration will go. But I don't want to blame my depression for this. I know I went six months without studying and out of the game of medicine but that is not an excuse either.

All this comes after I had been quite good at secondary school. In retrospect might school performance may also be due to my diligence and hard work. Nowadays it requires great motivation to start a simple chore.

I wish I can grow out of this phase once and for all.

Diagnosis: Chronic caffeine intoxication

Believe it or not the local teaching hospital has just built a Starbucks in the main foyer. To me it is quite unbelievable and odd. I don't know why, it is just odd.

When I analyze the situation there is nothing wrong happening. Lots of hospitals have coffee shops or snack bars in their settings. There is nothing wrong with having a brand company setting up in the hospital. 7-Eleven has stores in all the Hospital Authority hospitals whilst most of the canteens in the hospital are run by outside catering contractors.

What about the health side of the equation? Granted, coffee is not always good for you but at least it is better than McDonalds or Kentucky Fried Chicken setting up next to the Coronary Care unit. And if you think doctors eat health, just look at what the doctors are willing to eat in our hospital canteen (and that includes myself as well).

The thing that unnerves me is that most of our young staff will be sitting in there most of the time. How much work will be done now, with half the ICU nurses drinking lattes and sitting on the couches? That's my only main concern.

Of course all this doesn't preclude me from ordering a grande caramel cream frappuccino...

Once every six days

So far I have had three cries in the past twelve days, having gone the previous year without crying at all. Thankfully this crying episode today was relatively minor and hopefully nobody spotted it.

It just has been emotionally trying recently. I see previous class peers attening the surgical congress as delegates and subjectively have noticed more of my previous class peers as doctors around the hospital. For me it just is a reflection of where I am and how far (or really how NOT far) I have travelled in the past few years. I cannot help thinking while the rest of the world has progressed, I am stuck in the same hole trying to dig my way out but seemingly digging a big hole. Everybody around me has seemed to achieve their dreams and aspirations; being doctors, helping patients, publishing papers. My dreams are a distant memory and that brings the tears to my eyes, even now while I am typing this entry of my blog in the hospital library (I really got bored of reading about neurosurgery).

So what do I do? I've got about another six months to go in the hospital and I know I will see former class peers as doctors. Heck, three of them have already directly treated me for my depression! THe only thing I can do is to get on with it. But block out the thoughts is just near impossible...

I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY HATE MY LIFE

Today was one of those days when I think, "Yep, God must really despise my existence."

So why do I think that? You probably guessed that I had a bad day. You're wrong... I had a REALLY, REALLY, REALLY bad day.

You're probably think that the day cannot be so bad. Maybe. You can decide for yourself as I'm going to bore you with the details and you won't probably read them.

The group I have been allocated to has been "volunteered" to act as helpers for a surgical congress jointly held by the Hong Kong College of Surgeons and the Royal College of Surgeons of England. Basically we are slave labour and seat fillers. Now I don't really have a problem with this kind of thing. It has been occuring since my school days, acting as guides around schools or being 'encouraged' to listen to talks. At least at school we volunteered to do this whilst our Faculty "volunteered" us. That's a big difference.

So up I got on 7:00 a.m. on a Sunday morning. Yes, there is such a thing as a 7:00 a.m. on a Sunday. It doesn't exist in your dreams, although that what it feels like in bed. So off I went to the Hong Kong Academy of Medicine building, set in the most extreme of places. The obviously built this setting for doctors with their cars, since they didn't think about the minions who work there having to change buses twice to get to work. My task for today was nothing really special - just to check if the presenter's PowerPoints were OK and check for any potential problems, such as videos and hyperlinks not working. I didn't have to attend any lectures that have no relevance to me. At least there were some perks of the job. I could have time to catch up on my studying, I could browse the Internet and there were plenty (and I do mean plenty) of sandwiches, which were at least edible and decent.

This was the false sense of security that God led me into, just like the calm before the storm. He provided the sense that all was good in the world before hitting you on both knees. I was there in the room, just helping, checking the slides were alright before the next doctor walked in. Someone I knew. Someone who had been class peers with (I still cannot stand the word classmates). Someone who was going to present. Not just some free paper session where nobody really listens. He was going in the session where he was going to be awarded a prize, sort of like the Cannes Film Festival. That started to set off the wheels in my head, particularly the waterwheels...

What makes it doubly worse is that I don't really like this guy. He's the sort of guy who is a bit of a lad or jock. Snobby, uncaring, condescending. Thinks his English is great when actually he wouldn't pass border control in England. I think you get the general gist of who he is. For those in the know, this is the medical student who went to the Macau casinos a few years ago, gambled and lost most of his money, borrowed money from a loan shark and lost that money as well. Before the loan shark could gain back this collateral by chopping this guy's hands off, the police arrested the loan shark and the guy was pictured in the newspaper crying. The guy got away from being arrested and not paying the loan shark back. That's the guy who becomes a top surgeon.

At this point I'm thinking, "Here I am, being roped in to help with this congress and having fritted away four years of my life thanks this depression. And this guy, this unsavoury man who I wouldn't let him perform surgery on anybody, not even the enemies I hate, is now so important enough to be presenting a paper. What did I do wrong? Is this God punishing me?" And the only conclusion I give rise to these questions is that I don't know what I did wrong but God is indeed punishing me. I don't think God is testing me, as some of my religiously fanatical (and delusional) friends have been saying. I failed that test years ago. If this was a test, it's a bit like somebody testing a bulletproof vest by asking your to don the vest and shooting at you with a machine gun. Or asking you to swallow an unknown specimen which may contain the Ebola virus just to see if the sample really did contain a tropical disease. Severe but with alternatives.
Is this fate? I know there are elements out of control but I don't feel in fate or destiny. If God gave us free will (and I do believe he did), then there is no fate or destiny. If this is really my fate, then I rather be dead. I actually considered this for a nanosecond but it disappeared.

I could have just handled that incident. But God decided that hitting me on both knees wasn't enough and decided on all the other joints in my body. I saw four other doctors who I happened to be class peers with at some point, spread over three years. That's when the waterworks started to happen. I was pre-first stage of crying (see my entry nine days ago about the stages of crying). I should have left the congress at that point, saying I was not well and need to return back to my flat. But I thought I could handle it. I thought it was best to face this predicament. How wrong I was. God was going to smash my nether regions to smithereens and serve them with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.

When I thought I was feeling better, I saw another person who used to be a classmate of mine; friend called Yuh-Meei who I happened to like a lot. That really tipped the balance. I had gone from pre-first stage of crying to full blown second stage of crying. I was desperately trying to hold it in but it took so much willpower to do so and was incredibly difficult to do so. If you want to imagine what it feels like for a depressive not to cry when he/she is on the verge of crying, think of this - imagine you have acute infectious diarrhoea and all of a sudden you abdominal cramps plus the urge to defecate. Now imagine you trying to hold it in. Multiple that feeling by about hundred and you start to get the idea what I'm feeling.

At this stage, I had to rush off somewhere secluded to release the tears. I had to rush pass by several prominent surgeons and my current class peers to the toilet. Then, after making sure nobody was there and nobody was going to interrupt me, I let it out a little. Not full blown third stage crying but enough just to get me through the rest of the day.

The cherry on top from God was being asked to wear a suit the next day by one of the staff, since I was helping with the opening ceremony on Monday. That would be fine, with only two exceptions:

1. I only got the notice as I was leaving the congress.
2. I didn't have suit in at my flat and nobody could bring one from home.

Thankfully I sorted the situation out and hopefully that's the end of that. Hopefully I can say this episode is over. But in the back of my mind those thoughts are still there. God IS punishing me, what for I cannot say. This is the second time I had started to cry in front of people in nine days. And the worst thing is...

I got to do it again tomorrow.

GOD REALLY, REALLY DOES HATE ME.

Third Culture Kids

I recently came across the phrase "Third Culture Kids" (AKA Trans-Cultural Kids or abbreviated to TCK) while surfing the net at Facebook and Wikipedia. For those not in the know, here is a definition from TCK World:

"A TCK is an individual who, having spent a significant part of the developmental years in a culture other than that of their parents, develops a sense of relationship to both. These children of business executives, soldiers and sailors, diplomats, and missionaries who live abroad, become "culture-blended" persons who often contribute in unique and creative ways to society as a whole."

It is something I totally identify with, having grown up on three different countries in three different continents before I was even eighteen years old. My brother is an even more TCK than me (if there were levels). He can claim passports in three different countries and has lived in FOUR different countries in FOUR different continents before he is twenty five years old. Beat that!

I'm actually thankful that I grew up as a TCK. Without it my perspective would be narrowed and I would be very naive. That said, it has been studied that depression and suicide are more common in TCKs.

There are also lists about attributes of TCKs, which I have reproduced and modified slightly (to be slightly more universal):

Regarding your home country

• You can't answer the question, "Where are you from?" without having to tell your life story.
• You honestly don't have a hometown - you have several.
• Your life story uses the phrase, "Then we moved to..." several times.
• If talking to somebody else about your childhood, you are frequently asked, "What did you parents do for a living?" (and if it is an American, "Where you parents in the military?")
• You are tired of people asking, "Where is that?" when you say where you have lived or where your home country is.
• You know that your home country is not the only country in the world.
• You go into culture shock when you return to your "home" country or had to re-learn your own culture after spending years overseas.
• You know the geography of the rest of the world, but you don't know the geography of your own country.
• You and your siblings were born in different countries.

Regarding language

• You speak two (or more) languages in addition to English but can’t write well in any of them.
• You can swear in more than one language.
• You have to explain to everyone why you speak English fluently, even though you grew up elsewhere.
• Your yearbook had more than one language in it.
• The best word for something is the word you learned first, regardless of the language.
• Conversations with close friends often descend into using two (or more) languages.
• You wince when people mispronounce foreign words.
• Half of your phone calls are unintelligible to those around you.
• Your accent slides all over the English scale.
• You can mimic other foreign accents quite easily.
• You cruise the Internet looking for fonts that can support foreign alphabets.
• You know what expat (expatriate) and IB (International Baccalaureate) mean.

Regarding culture

• You feel odd being in the ethnic majority in at least one country.
• You think in the metric system and Celsius, but also have learned to think in feet and miles as well.
• You will never ever learn to think in Fahrenheit, because it sucks
• You don't know whether to write the date as day/month/year or month/day/year
• You know to use the term “soccer” when speaking with Americans and “football” when speaking to everybody else.
• You have played both American and world sports and follow at least one team from America and one team elsewhere in the world.
• Rain on a tile patio - or a corrugated metal roof - is one of the most wonderful sounds in the world.
• American culture is either foreign and fascinating to you or it bores you to death.

Regarding daily life

• When something unusual happens,it doesn't seem to phase you as being something out of the ordinary
• You haggle with the checkout clerk for a lower price.
• Your blood is not eligible for donation.
• You bring tissue paper when ever you had to use a public lavatory.
• You read the international news before the local news and the comics.
• You automatically take off your shoes as soon as you get home.
• Your dorm room/apartment/living room looks like a museum with all the "exotic" things you have around.
• You never really use a seatbelt.
• You start to keep your experiences overseas to yourself because people look at you as though you are spoiled for having the opportunity to indulge in a new culture.
• People love your "accent" or make fun of it.

Regarding growing up

• You got to go home three times a year.
• You don't feel at home at home anymore
• You start introducing yourself followed by your country of origin.
• You have little or no contact with he locals but are best friends with people across the globe You had a domestic helper (and probably a driver) in your childhood.
• You live at school, work in the tropics, and go home for vacation.
• Your wardrobe can only handle two seasons - wet and dry.
• It wasn't unusual to find a lizard or cockroach in your house.
• You regularly made long distance calls as much as local calls.
• You never had a job until you reached college

Regarding technology

• You use MSN/ICQ because you know it's cooler than AIM (and the rest of the world uses it).
• You own personal appliances with 3 types of plugs, know the difference between 110 and 220 volts, 50 and 60 cycle current, and realize that a transformer isn't always enough to make your appliances work.
• You fried a number of appliances during the learning process.
• You’re address & phone book is actually an email & mobile phone book.
• Everybody had a mobile phone when they entered school (and I don’t just mean high school).

Regarding entertainment

• You have watched TV programmes from at least three different countries dubbed into different languages and don't find this strange at all.
• You watch a movie set in a 'foreign country' and you know what the nationals are really saying into the camera.
• When a film is set in a ‘foreign’ country, you automatically know when the actors, language and setting they are using are not from that country.
• Your music is in three different languages and from three different countries.
• You frequently buy pirated computer games, video games, movies and music.
• When you return home, you watch all the local TV channels, no matter how crap the programs are.
• You constantly feel like you have to catch up with TV programs, actors and other people or songs you are not familiar with
• You hate the subtitles to movies and TV programs because you know they translate them incorrectly.
• You miss the subtitles when you see the latest movie.

Regarding school and friends

• You’re friends come from four different continents and at least ten different countries.
• You spent your high school years in bars and pubs without having to show some identification.
• Your minor or alternative major at university is a foreign language you already speak or you did A Levels/GCSEs of your own language before anybody else did their A Levels/GCSEs.
• You've gotten out of school because of monsoons, bomb threats, and/or popular demonstrations.
• Your class trips entailed going to a foreign country.
• When in (boarding) school, you can only call your parents at 8am and 8pm.
• You frequently bumped into your old school teachers.
• When other students complain about wanting to go home and they live in the next state or next town you laugh out loud or to yourself.
• Talking to your school office and getting signatures from your parents must be planned in advance.
• You think that high school reunions are all but impossible
• You don't think it’s strange that you haven't talked to your best friend in a while because you know you will always have a unique bond.
• You've dated people from other countries
• You are afraid to go back to visit your school because you know no one will be there that you used to know, they all moved.
• The tuition that you pay in one quarter/term/semester is equivalent to what your fellow schoolmates pay in a WHOLE YEAR!

Regarding food

• You go to any restaurant and have to put lots of chilli sauce on your food or wonder why there is no chilli sauce or soy sauce available.
• You can name the ingredients in any 'foreign' dish.
• You will or have eaten any kind of foreign dish, no matter how nasty looking or disgusting it sound.
• Initially you did get food poisoning when eating foreign dishes but no longer get diarrhoea when you eat any kind of foreign dish.
• You complain about the quality of rice they serve at school
• You miss the cheap and delicious food from home.

Regarding travel

• You actually physically owned a passport before you were 18 years old.
• You own a foreign passport or more than one passport.
• You had pages added to your passport.
• You actually use two passports – one to get into your home country and one to get into your country where your school is.
• Your passport has more stamps than a post office
• You flew on an airplane before you could walk.
• You can speak with authority on the quality of international airline travel.
• You know nothing is worth buying in airports, apart from duty free.
• You had frequent flyer miles when you were in high school.
• You have frequent flyer accounts on multiple airlines.
• You think VISA is a document stamped in your passport, and not a credit card you carry in your wallet.
• You run into someone you know at every airport.
• You know how to pack properly.
• You can live out of a suitcase with ease.
• When you return home, half the stuff in your suitcase is for people at home.
• When you return to school, half the stuff is from your home country which is expensive/unavailable at school.
• The thought of sending your (hypothetical) kids to public school scares you, while the thought of letting them fly alone doesn't at all.
• You know the exchange rate for several different currencies off by heart.
• You know the time zones for some of the major cities around the world.
• It takes you a day to reach home in a plane.
• You consider a city 500 miles away "very close."
• You've read National Geographic and recognized someone or feel very homesick.
• Whenever you watch a travel show, half the places are locations you have been to and the other half is where your friends come from.
• Once you get home you miss your adopted home and visa versa
• You wake up in one country thinking you are in another

Last of all…

• You're spoilt. You know it. You're VERY spoilt.
• You realize what a small world it is, after all.

The life and times of a spoilt brat

I recently had lunch with a close friend. I was asked to elaborate why I started to hate Dora, who I now consider an ex-friend. It was actually very therapeutic tell her what I thought about Dora and to see another person's perspective.

Now I don't usually hate anybody. There are times I don't like somebody but I get along fine with them. Hate is another level. Hate is when you want bad things to happen this person, that they should be wiped off the face of the earth. Hate is such a powerful force that usually destroy people.

So why do I hate Dora so much? Probably cause I hate myself for trusting somebody like her. When I was in my darkest hour, I felt abandoned by her. I just don't trust her to be my friend anymore. Basically she is a spoilt brat who only cares about herself. This probably stems from the fact that she's an only child but that is a reason, not an excuse.

So is there any reasoning why I hate Dora so much? Let me count the ways...

Hogging a room

To live in the Student Medical Residence near the main teaching hospital, one has to apply. Rooms are well sought after, maybe due to the close proximity to the teaching hospital, the cheap rent and mostly everybody in the class is living there. For a certain period, Dora was able to live in the Student Medical Residence. But after a while, she decided not to live at the Student Medical Residence and decided to live at home instead. Lots of people don't like to live in the Residence, so that was perfectly acceptable. What was unacceptable was that she decided to keep the room and not keep it occupying. Apart from being selfish, I think that somebody who might want to live in the Residence might benefit. I told her this and she started to cry on me, like I did something wrong and started to make me feel guilty.

Teasing a psychiatric patient

During our Psychiatry clerkship, Dora and her group came across a female patient admitted due to delusions of love. So Dora and a male member of her group decided to 'tease' the female patient but saying the secone male member of her group thought she was attractive. I thought this was totally out of line and told her this. She stared at me with the puzzled expression as she didn't know what she had done wrong.

I maybe more sensitive being a psychiatric patient myself but I think this is totally disrespectful to the patient, who has trouble with her illness. As a person in the medical profession, respect for the patient is paramount and this did not happen.

Constant flirtation

Whenever Dora talks to other male members of our group, it is always in a high-pitched flirty voice. This is so she can get her way with them. I talked to her about this and she seems to think there is nothing wrong. I can respect that view but at times it seems she cannot turn it off. She used that voice in front of a male patient once and I've heard rumours that the only reason why she has got her training post after her internship is that she flirted her way to the job. To accentuate the point, the other person who got the same training post is a lady who is even more flirtacious than her. She has already started to earn the scorn of nurses and female doctors everywhere, as well as the people who were applying for that training post.

Abandonment

When I missed my Surgical exam due to my depression and had to go the next day, there she was at the exam. There she started to scold me about not turning up. At this point, her attitude was poor. I need a more caring way, not being berated at.

Even further down the line was when I was admitted into hospital last April for ten days for severe depression. Not once did she visit me, despite my other friends visiting me. If a close friend you knew had been hospitalized, wouldn't you at least try to contact him/her or visit him/her? She did none of that. I felt at that time she would only help friends when it was in her best interest.

Only after that did she decide to contact me but this time by trying to start an intimate conversation through text messaging. This really was the back breaker. I know at times I am hard to find and I won't pick up the phone. Yet at some point I will pick up the phone. Never in Dora's mind did she consider just phoning me and asking how I was doing instead of texting away on her mobile.

The final straw

After all this I started to send an email to her, relating why I did not want to be her friend anymore. She soon replied, with some valid points. Yes I know I am difficult to find and don't always pick up the phone. Yes I don't tell you everything, only because everything I usually tell is depressing. But at no point did she feel any guilt, like she did something wrong. It didn't matter if she was right or wrong, a little humility goes a long way.

What really got me was the last sentence in her reply:

"In my eyes, every time I care, you just don't appreciate it. Either that, or it just rubs off in the wrong way. But I've never given up on trying."

And what has she done since then? Nothing. All she has done is run to my close friend and said "Kenneth is angry at me." Yes I am angry at her and she knows the reasons why. If she can't figure it out, then she's a little inconsiderate.

Ultimately I just don't like her character and with that the person.

Space on either side

Not a good day today. Myself, with the rest of my group who I am still very unacquainted with, have been employed as slave labour plus seat filling for the upcoming Surgical Congress this following Sunday & Monday. Going to miss out on a lot of studying time.

I noticed something recently that has been affecting me for about ten years. I noticed that nobody sits next to me, 90% of the time. I know most people think I'm crazy and it is all down to my depression, picking up these negative aspects. At times I would agree but I do think this happens. It occurs in any situations - lectures, classes, on the bus - and occurs with anybody - strangers, class peers or friends. I don't have any reason to explain it. I try sitting in different places - at the front of the class, back of the class, middle of the class, to the side - but the effect is the same. The only time that anybody sits next to me is when there is nowhere else to sit.

I do accept people would like to sit next to people who they are familiar with but this has happened to strangers, who don't know who I am, plus my friends, who should know I'm not frightening. I don't think I'm that physically repulsive or the places I sit next to are bad places to sit but it does bug me, even more so when you are depressive nearly all the time.