After seventeen years, with twelve years on medication, I thought I had my depression under control. I would assume I could just take my drugs every night and that would be it until I die. I might not be totally elated or delirious with happiness but at least I would be stable and not moribund all the time.
In recent months, a new dark cloud has been raining down on me. I can't remember when the situation started but I noticed I have been suffering from anxiety symptoms. The main feeling is my heart racing but other symptoms have been occurring. There has been chest discomfort, difficulty breathing and the aching of my arm muscles. I used to suffer these intermittently when I was depressed but the physical complaints usually came with the feeling of being sad. Now I feel anxious and scared.
Some of these symptoms have been low lying throughout the whole day but they become more prominent when I go to work and just before I see patients. There is no logical reason for this relationship. Like 90% of people, work is just inevitable part of life to pay the bills. All of us don't want to go to work but I don't actively despise it, trying to use as much sick leave to avoid going into the clinic.
Neither have I had any major problems with my patients. Most of the people that consult me can be handled quite easily. I do have problems with explaining things to some of my patients, due to insufficient Cantonese skills, but I can get by. As with any other doctor, I have patients who are difficult or are dissatisfied with the level of care. I do get disappointed with patients who don't take my advice about medical care but I have to remind themselves it is their decision, their own health they are risking and not to take it personally.
"Is it the added pressure of being a higher trainee in family medicine?" I have asked myself. I had to see more patients per session but I can still see all of my consultations in time. I have been putting off a number of issues that I need to sort out, including applying for a postgraduate diploma course in dermatology and starting my clinical audit. I do suffer those anxiety symptoms I have been writing about when I think about doing these tasks but I eventually get round to doing it, even if it is slowly.
The anxiety symptoms do abate when I get to see patients, as I think I distract myself from the symptoms just by focussing on doing something else. Yet I'm at loggerheads why I still suffer from these symptoms.
It got worse when I came back from holiday. My USA trip was 19 days - the longest period I have been away since I started working. I had given myself one day to recover from jet lag, then I went back into work the next day. I was fine with the first day back at work. When it came to the second day, with being on night clinic duty, I was starting to have anxiety symptoms and I honestly thought I was having a panic attack. At one point I thought I was going to freak out and pass out. However I managed to get to the end of the day in one piece mentally
The most worrying thing is not knowing why this is happening. Like most patients, I do want to know why this is happening to me. Most doctors will tell you what you don't want to hear - the truth - that we simply don't know. I know my anxiety symptoms are depression related and psychosomatic. I know I'm not entirely happy with work, dreading waking up, waking up later and later, always looking forward to 5 p.m. and Saturdays but we all deal with that. I have been thinking about going part-time or emigrating after I have finished my training. Yet I don't know if my depression / anxiety would improve by doing this.
For now, I just have to tell myself it is psychosomatic and focus on something different.
Sunday, May 18, 2014
Sunday, March 30, 2014
Gay marriage
I'm a big follower of George Takei (Sulu from Star Trek: The Original Series for those who aren't Trekkies) on Facebook as he, or at least his team of internet elves, post some very interesting and funny things. The posts range from hilarious puns to lovely pictures of kittens doing cute stuff.
Yet he's not always spouting out jokes or gags - there is a serious side to him. For those who don't know, Takei is gay and he's been in a relationship with another man for many years. He's been a big proponent of gay marriage and regularly posts news when an US state or country legalizes gay marriage. Recently my beloved home country Great Britain (or at least England and Wales) have become the latest country to legalise same sex marriage.
I'm not as enthusiastic as Takei on gay marriage but I'm firmly on his side of the fence. The only criteria I can only see in marriage is that they are adults and they are consenting. The two people should know what marriage entails, the highs and lows, the risks and the benefits, and if they should decide to choose this path nobody should get in their way.
Yet there are other people who want to stop gay marriage from being legalised. They have their counter arguments on why marriage should stay as it is. Yet it is really hard, even impossible, to buy into any of their arguments against gay marriage.
"Marriage is between a man and a woman."
Where does it state that? In the Bible, which is a Christian book. What most gays and lesbians want is that their marriage be recognized by the law and not by any higher religious power. The anti gay marriage establishment can keep their religious marriage definition. Religions shouldn't be imposing their definition of marriage or any other of their beliefs on non-followers. If any religion doesn't want gays to be married in their churches, mosques, synagogues or places of worship, that's fine. Marriage can be held in other places, such as a registry office where a lot of straight people have tied the knot.
(On another note, there are many lines from the Bible that Christians don't adhere to, such as not to eat shellfish or not to touch pigskins (i.e. American footballs). You can't just pick and choose which rules to follow and which statements to ignore. You either follow it or not, just like the law.)
What gays and lesbians want is that they have the same opportunity and same rights as straight people when they get married. The benefits vary from tax breaks for married couples to allowing your partner to inherit your possessions via a will. Gays and lesbians don't have the privilege and they shouldn't be denied that just because they are in love with somebody who is the same sex as them.
"Homosexuality is not natural."
If you define anything natural as occurring in nature, then the argument falls down pretty quickly. Marriage is not natural since we don't see animals walking down the aisle or swapping rings. Homosexuality is natural since scientists (the main antagonists of religion) have document a wide variety of species exhibiting homosexual behaviour and activity.
And while we are at the "it's not natural" argument, anybody who uses that phrase "homosexuality is not natural" should be barred from using any type of technology whatsoever since modern science isn't "natural". If they want to be natural, they should make their own shelters and hunt for their own food.
"It will lead to the breakdown of the family unit."
I don't know if the anti gay marriage establishment have noticed but the breakdown of families has been happening ever since families have been forming. You can take your pick of the number of problems occurring in families: husband and wife arguing, job stress and pressure, extra-marital affairs, financial constraints and I haven't even introduced any children into the mix yet. These issues occur in any family, whether they are religious or not, they have one parent or two, or if they have gay/straight parents. Introducing gay marriage will not make the problem worse or better, it is just the same and society should be correcting the aforementioned established problems as ways to correct family life.
On the flip side, there have been many single parent and gay parent families who have done well in life. There are just as many parents who have divorced and remarried, going on to raised good children. The best examples I could find are Bill Clinton and Barack Obama, whose mothers got divorced and then remarried. It was much more difficult to find famous people with gay parents, as homosexuals only comprise a small percentage of the population and in that era before the 1980s very few people were openly homosexual.
There is still some way to go globally in terms of sexual equality. Russia and Uganda have laws effectively curbing homosexuals and my current place of residence Hong Kong still has laws banning gay marriage. Hopefully the countries who have allowed same sex marriage will set an example of how the rest of the world should follow suit.
Yet he's not always spouting out jokes or gags - there is a serious side to him. For those who don't know, Takei is gay and he's been in a relationship with another man for many years. He's been a big proponent of gay marriage and regularly posts news when an US state or country legalizes gay marriage. Recently my beloved home country Great Britain (or at least England and Wales) have become the latest country to legalise same sex marriage.
I'm not as enthusiastic as Takei on gay marriage but I'm firmly on his side of the fence. The only criteria I can only see in marriage is that they are adults and they are consenting. The two people should know what marriage entails, the highs and lows, the risks and the benefits, and if they should decide to choose this path nobody should get in their way.
Yet there are other people who want to stop gay marriage from being legalised. They have their counter arguments on why marriage should stay as it is. Yet it is really hard, even impossible, to buy into any of their arguments against gay marriage.
"Marriage is between a man and a woman."
Where does it state that? In the Bible, which is a Christian book. What most gays and lesbians want is that their marriage be recognized by the law and not by any higher religious power. The anti gay marriage establishment can keep their religious marriage definition. Religions shouldn't be imposing their definition of marriage or any other of their beliefs on non-followers. If any religion doesn't want gays to be married in their churches, mosques, synagogues or places of worship, that's fine. Marriage can be held in other places, such as a registry office where a lot of straight people have tied the knot.
(On another note, there are many lines from the Bible that Christians don't adhere to, such as not to eat shellfish or not to touch pigskins (i.e. American footballs). You can't just pick and choose which rules to follow and which statements to ignore. You either follow it or not, just like the law.)
What gays and lesbians want is that they have the same opportunity and same rights as straight people when they get married. The benefits vary from tax breaks for married couples to allowing your partner to inherit your possessions via a will. Gays and lesbians don't have the privilege and they shouldn't be denied that just because they are in love with somebody who is the same sex as them.
"Homosexuality is not natural."
If you define anything natural as occurring in nature, then the argument falls down pretty quickly. Marriage is not natural since we don't see animals walking down the aisle or swapping rings. Homosexuality is natural since scientists (the main antagonists of religion) have document a wide variety of species exhibiting homosexual behaviour and activity.
And while we are at the "it's not natural" argument, anybody who uses that phrase "homosexuality is not natural" should be barred from using any type of technology whatsoever since modern science isn't "natural". If they want to be natural, they should make their own shelters and hunt for their own food.
"It will lead to the breakdown of the family unit."
I don't know if the anti gay marriage establishment have noticed but the breakdown of families has been happening ever since families have been forming. You can take your pick of the number of problems occurring in families: husband and wife arguing, job stress and pressure, extra-marital affairs, financial constraints and I haven't even introduced any children into the mix yet. These issues occur in any family, whether they are religious or not, they have one parent or two, or if they have gay/straight parents. Introducing gay marriage will not make the problem worse or better, it is just the same and society should be correcting the aforementioned established problems as ways to correct family life.
On the flip side, there have been many single parent and gay parent families who have done well in life. There are just as many parents who have divorced and remarried, going on to raised good children. The best examples I could find are Bill Clinton and Barack Obama, whose mothers got divorced and then remarried. It was much more difficult to find famous people with gay parents, as homosexuals only comprise a small percentage of the population and in that era before the 1980s very few people were openly homosexual.
There is still some way to go globally in terms of sexual equality. Russia and Uganda have laws effectively curbing homosexuals and my current place of residence Hong Kong still has laws banning gay marriage. Hopefully the countries who have allowed same sex marriage will set an example of how the rest of the world should follow suit.
Sunday, January 26, 2014
An eventful week saving people
I usually don't write about my work. I tend to bitch about most subjects in this blog. I don't want to come across as complaining about my occupation. There are things that are wrong with my job but that is the same as any other job and I usually like going to work. Yet there were two incidents this week which are worth writing about.
Two patients collapsed in our clinic this week and I had to handle the incidents. After the second person collapsed and the clinic staff & myself had dealt with the situation, I was really questioning whether or not I broke a mirror or stepped on a black cat.
The first man to collapse wasn't that dramatic. The only reason why I was cursing the situation was that the man wasn't our patient. He was a patient who was being followed up at the local hospital for a multitude of ailments. He was just visiting the clinic to use the toilet before he fell unconscious. He recovered spontaneously and after further questioning, didn't have any symptoms. When we did our preliminary checks, he was found to have high blood pressure, an irregular pulse and high blood sugar. Naturally an ambulance was called to send him to the hospital.
I later found out that he only stayed in hospital for a couple of nights, his collapse due to his poor control of his diabetes and recent dehydration. The attending medical officer even used what I wrote in the referring letter as the patient discharge notes, word for word. I don't know if I should be flattered that my notes were comprehensive enough the attending doctor only needed to add what they did in hospital or that doctor was too lazy to write his/her own notes.
The second patient was much more dramatic but not life-threatening as some of my colleagues seem to think. Again I was cursing my bad luck and wondering if I had done anything wrong recently.
I tend to arrive very early to sort out my patient's medical records and to have some breakfast. I had not even started to chow down on my McDonald's jumbo breakfast (I know I'm being unhealthy in eating that) when I heard the commotion outside that somebody had collapsed outside the clinic. All my clinic staff know I arrive early to work, so naturally they called me out to attended to the patient. This was despite the fact that the doctor who was responsible for emergency cases that day had already arrived at work.
The patient was already conscious when I arrived at the scene and was bleeding from the forehead. I thought it was just going to be a normal "slip and fall" case with a head wound. Then I noticed the gentleman was not moving his limbs that much. On asking the patient, he could walk beforehand and he was not in any pain to prevent him from using his arms and legs. I checked his medical record - no history of stroke. On examination, all he could do was move his left leg. This would be the only time I would make such an accurate diagnosis such as stroke (which it was, after checking on the notes when he was admitted). Again the patient was swiftly dispatched to the hospital.
I'm just glad this week is over and I can go do my own stuff, such as enjoy a day with the Scrabble club (I know I'm a nerd).
What I've learnt from all these experiences? I'm not turning up for work early again.
Two patients collapsed in our clinic this week and I had to handle the incidents. After the second person collapsed and the clinic staff & myself had dealt with the situation, I was really questioning whether or not I broke a mirror or stepped on a black cat.
The first man to collapse wasn't that dramatic. The only reason why I was cursing the situation was that the man wasn't our patient. He was a patient who was being followed up at the local hospital for a multitude of ailments. He was just visiting the clinic to use the toilet before he fell unconscious. He recovered spontaneously and after further questioning, didn't have any symptoms. When we did our preliminary checks, he was found to have high blood pressure, an irregular pulse and high blood sugar. Naturally an ambulance was called to send him to the hospital.
I later found out that he only stayed in hospital for a couple of nights, his collapse due to his poor control of his diabetes and recent dehydration. The attending medical officer even used what I wrote in the referring letter as the patient discharge notes, word for word. I don't know if I should be flattered that my notes were comprehensive enough the attending doctor only needed to add what they did in hospital or that doctor was too lazy to write his/her own notes.
The second patient was much more dramatic but not life-threatening as some of my colleagues seem to think. Again I was cursing my bad luck and wondering if I had done anything wrong recently.
I tend to arrive very early to sort out my patient's medical records and to have some breakfast. I had not even started to chow down on my McDonald's jumbo breakfast (I know I'm being unhealthy in eating that) when I heard the commotion outside that somebody had collapsed outside the clinic. All my clinic staff know I arrive early to work, so naturally they called me out to attended to the patient. This was despite the fact that the doctor who was responsible for emergency cases that day had already arrived at work.
The patient was already conscious when I arrived at the scene and was bleeding from the forehead. I thought it was just going to be a normal "slip and fall" case with a head wound. Then I noticed the gentleman was not moving his limbs that much. On asking the patient, he could walk beforehand and he was not in any pain to prevent him from using his arms and legs. I checked his medical record - no history of stroke. On examination, all he could do was move his left leg. This would be the only time I would make such an accurate diagnosis such as stroke (which it was, after checking on the notes when he was admitted). Again the patient was swiftly dispatched to the hospital.
I'm just glad this week is over and I can go do my own stuff, such as enjoy a day with the Scrabble club (I know I'm a nerd).
What I've learnt from all these experiences? I'm not turning up for work early again.
Sunday, December 15, 2013
Hoarding and throwing stuff out
After I finished my HKCFP/RACGP Conjoint Examination in late October, I did something which I should have done a long time. After filling my bookshelves for years, I threw away the notes I had from medical school. I asked myself a few questions and realized the notes were no longer needed.
Q. Did I need the notes?
A. No. All the paper was just notes, timetables and bits of administration. Most of the notes were of medical knowledge which have become out of date. I still have my textbooks if I needed to refer back to any information, or I could just look on the internet for the information that I required.
Q. Will I need the notes in the future?
A. No. Apart from the aforementioned need for information, the only other purpose I could think of for my notes were of sentimental value. Those notes won't provide that. I did not enjoy my time in medical school and have no desire to return to that era. Neither am I going to show my children or grandchildren (if I have any) what I learnt in medical school. It's not like the stuff I kept from primary school, like paintings and drawings, which you can look back upon with some sweet recollection. At least from secondary school work there is a marking to show how clever I once was. My medical school notes does not fulfil any of these functions.
Before the environmentalist have a field day on my gesture, I didn't just throw the paper straight into the rubbish bin. All of the paper has gone into boxes and my domestic helper has been bringing the load to a recycling centre. I have taken things out that may serve a purpose in future, such as ring binder folders and file dividers.
The situation I have just gone through highlights something we have all encountered. At one point or another, we have stuff at home we should throw out but don't. We accumulate stuff we don't need and we don't use. The major problem is trying to get rid of it but not knowing how to. I think the circumstances maybe better in places such as the UK or US, where there are recycling centres for almost anything and there are online forums or websites where you can sell these items as second hand or give them to charity.
I have several electronic gadgets which are either broken or so out of date that I won't use them again. It's taken me a while but I will eventually send them to the local electrical recycling centre, along with power adaptors, wires, cables and a whole echelon of electrical stuff.
The same goes with CDs. I have a bunch of CDs of computer programs I don't use any more. Particularly because I use Apple OSX but also because most of the printer drivers, DVD programs and what not can be downloaded off the internet right now.
It's nice to have more space in my place now but it is most likely I will have the same problem again in a few years time after I have bought more useless stuff that I don't need.
Q. Did I need the notes?
A. No. All the paper was just notes, timetables and bits of administration. Most of the notes were of medical knowledge which have become out of date. I still have my textbooks if I needed to refer back to any information, or I could just look on the internet for the information that I required.
Q. Will I need the notes in the future?
A. No. Apart from the aforementioned need for information, the only other purpose I could think of for my notes were of sentimental value. Those notes won't provide that. I did not enjoy my time in medical school and have no desire to return to that era. Neither am I going to show my children or grandchildren (if I have any) what I learnt in medical school. It's not like the stuff I kept from primary school, like paintings and drawings, which you can look back upon with some sweet recollection. At least from secondary school work there is a marking to show how clever I once was. My medical school notes does not fulfil any of these functions.
Before the environmentalist have a field day on my gesture, I didn't just throw the paper straight into the rubbish bin. All of the paper has gone into boxes and my domestic helper has been bringing the load to a recycling centre. I have taken things out that may serve a purpose in future, such as ring binder folders and file dividers.
The situation I have just gone through highlights something we have all encountered. At one point or another, we have stuff at home we should throw out but don't. We accumulate stuff we don't need and we don't use. The major problem is trying to get rid of it but not knowing how to. I think the circumstances maybe better in places such as the UK or US, where there are recycling centres for almost anything and there are online forums or websites where you can sell these items as second hand or give them to charity.
I have several electronic gadgets which are either broken or so out of date that I won't use them again. It's taken me a while but I will eventually send them to the local electrical recycling centre, along with power adaptors, wires, cables and a whole echelon of electrical stuff.
The same goes with CDs. I have a bunch of CDs of computer programs I don't use any more. Particularly because I use Apple OSX but also because most of the printer drivers, DVD programs and what not can be downloaded off the internet right now.
It's nice to have more space in my place now but it is most likely I will have the same problem again in a few years time after I have bought more useless stuff that I don't need.
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Guessing at BBC's Sports Personality of the Year shortlist
Unlike 2012 where it was really difficult to fit all the appropriate people into the shortlist after the London Olympics, I'm struggling to find ten names that can be nominated for BBC's Sports Personality of the Year award. Of course there were many highlights but getting the number of deserving people to double digits is a tall order.
To help with coming up with a list, I've analysed the situation by looking at each sport to see if they can come up with a nominee:
Football: Even though England qualified for the 2014 World Cup, hardly anybody stands out to deserve any plaudits. No British player lit up the domestic or European scene either. The only British footballer who can even merit a mention is Gareth Bale, who won both Player of the Year awards and became the world's most expensive footballer.
Motorsports: With Vettel dominating Formula 1, Button & Hamilton were left to feed off the scraps. The only world champion of British origin worth mentioning is Tom Sykes, who won the World Superbike Championship. Hopefully he will get a mention, considering the likes of Carl Fogarty and James Toseland have previously been nominated before.
Cricket: With England winning the home Ashes, it is most likely the team as a whole will be nominated in the Team of the Year award. Individually, there isn't really anybody who stands out. Stuart Broad and James Anderson might get a mentioned but I would like Ian Bell to be featured, since he was the best player in the Ashes with three centuries.
Rugby: As it was a non-World Cup year in union and none of the British Isles teams couldn't reach the rugby league World Cup final, it will be difficulty for a single player to be nominated.
Tennis: Really there is only one person who can be nominated. Andy Murray should win this year. He won Wimbledon for crying out loud! No British man has done that for 77 years. He also won three other tournaments, got to the final of the Australian Open and helped get Great Britain back into the main group for the Davis Cup. Plus he's appeared on Mock the Week again - what's not to love about him?
Golf: I honestly forgot about Justin Rose winning the US Open back in June. Everybody thought Rory McIlroy or Luke Donald would dominate the scene but Rose finally fulfilled his destiny after bursting onto the scene back at the 1998 Open Championship. Another leading contender for this year's SPOTY award.
Athletics: As it was a world championship year, there will be a number of athletes in the short list. Most prominently will be Mo Farah, who equalled his achievement from London 2012 by winning the 5000 & 10000 metres in Moscow. Another champion who should be mentioned will be
Christine Ohuruogu, who won the 400 metres with another dramatic finish, which surely will be mentioned when her nomination is discussed.
Boxing: The most likely man to get mentioned will be Carl Froch, having won the WBA super-middleweight title against Mikkel Kessler in May and retaining his titles (in much controversy) again George Groves in November.
Cycling: Chris Froome will surely push Andy Murray for BBC SPOTY this year. He followed up Brad Wiggin's Tour de France win last year by keeping the title on British soil. He will definitely be nominated but may not win since Wiggins just won last year. Plus the black cloud overhanging the world of cycling thanks to Lance Armstrong's drug confessions may not help his sport's image.
Others: It would be nice to see Ronnie O'Sullivan being nominated, to recognise his status as the finest snooker player since Stephen Hendry. Whether or not he will play ball is another matter. I'm sure AP McCoy and Phil Taylor might get mentions.
As you can see, there is a lack of female & disabled sports people in my list. I'm sure there are many champions who can fit those criteria, for example Hannah Cockcroft and Richard Whitehead, but they need more media coverage - surely a nomination for SPOTY can help?
To help with coming up with a list, I've analysed the situation by looking at each sport to see if they can come up with a nominee:
Football: Even though England qualified for the 2014 World Cup, hardly anybody stands out to deserve any plaudits. No British player lit up the domestic or European scene either. The only British footballer who can even merit a mention is Gareth Bale, who won both Player of the Year awards and became the world's most expensive footballer.
Motorsports: With Vettel dominating Formula 1, Button & Hamilton were left to feed off the scraps. The only world champion of British origin worth mentioning is Tom Sykes, who won the World Superbike Championship. Hopefully he will get a mention, considering the likes of Carl Fogarty and James Toseland have previously been nominated before.
Cricket: With England winning the home Ashes, it is most likely the team as a whole will be nominated in the Team of the Year award. Individually, there isn't really anybody who stands out. Stuart Broad and James Anderson might get a mentioned but I would like Ian Bell to be featured, since he was the best player in the Ashes with three centuries.
Rugby: As it was a non-World Cup year in union and none of the British Isles teams couldn't reach the rugby league World Cup final, it will be difficulty for a single player to be nominated.
Tennis: Really there is only one person who can be nominated. Andy Murray should win this year. He won Wimbledon for crying out loud! No British man has done that for 77 years. He also won three other tournaments, got to the final of the Australian Open and helped get Great Britain back into the main group for the Davis Cup. Plus he's appeared on Mock the Week again - what's not to love about him?
Golf: I honestly forgot about Justin Rose winning the US Open back in June. Everybody thought Rory McIlroy or Luke Donald would dominate the scene but Rose finally fulfilled his destiny after bursting onto the scene back at the 1998 Open Championship. Another leading contender for this year's SPOTY award.
Athletics: As it was a world championship year, there will be a number of athletes in the short list. Most prominently will be Mo Farah, who equalled his achievement from London 2012 by winning the 5000 & 10000 metres in Moscow. Another champion who should be mentioned will be
Christine Ohuruogu, who won the 400 metres with another dramatic finish, which surely will be mentioned when her nomination is discussed.
Boxing: The most likely man to get mentioned will be Carl Froch, having won the WBA super-middleweight title against Mikkel Kessler in May and retaining his titles (in much controversy) again George Groves in November.
Cycling: Chris Froome will surely push Andy Murray for BBC SPOTY this year. He followed up Brad Wiggin's Tour de France win last year by keeping the title on British soil. He will definitely be nominated but may not win since Wiggins just won last year. Plus the black cloud overhanging the world of cycling thanks to Lance Armstrong's drug confessions may not help his sport's image.
Others: It would be nice to see Ronnie O'Sullivan being nominated, to recognise his status as the finest snooker player since Stephen Hendry. Whether or not he will play ball is another matter. I'm sure AP McCoy and Phil Taylor might get mentions.
As you can see, there is a lack of female & disabled sports people in my list. I'm sure there are many champions who can fit those criteria, for example Hannah Cockcroft and Richard Whitehead, but they need more media coverage - surely a nomination for SPOTY can help?
Monday, November 04, 2013
Just a minor medical ailment
Up until now, I have been relatively healthy physically. Like everybody else, I have had the odd share of the sniffles and the runs. Yet nothing too drastic warranting a major intervention. The only major medical ailment I had was as a child, when I was hospitalized for five days for a fever. The doctors had difficulty finding out what was the cause. In the end my predicament was due to an urinary tract infection and there was no permanent damage. Since then I have been relatively lucky
(I'm glossing over the factor I have major depression, since I'm talking about physical complaints and most people have difficulty comprehending psychiatric illnesses as being major conditions.)
So some part of me was glad when I got injured in September. I know that last sentence sounds weird but something inside wants to boast I had a scar or a major surgery performed. I haven't even had appendicitis before and most people seemed to suffer that.
I was volunteering for Hong Kong Dog Rescue, a dog charity I frequently help out. I was about to finish up, when one of the dogs (I cannot remember which mutt was responsible now) had escaped from his pen. I was trying to retrieve the dog and I thought I had him cornered. He suddenly rushed passed me and, in an attempt to stop the canine, I reached out with my left hand. He banged quite hard on my hand and he was eventually caught.
The dog was guided back to his pen eventually but there was a problem with me. My left ring finger was twisted and was pointing towards my left little finger. I knew I had either dislocated or fractured my finger. If the digit continued to be in that position, I was worried that was going to be permanent damage.
So I twisted the finger back into place.
There was a large crunching feeling to accompany it. I really don't know if that movement caused my finger to become even more broken but I wasn't going to risk it. Whenever I tell people I set my finger back into it's original position, there is always that reaction associated with being kicked in the genitals. People wince at when I say I twisted my finger back into place, thinking there was a large amount of pain. To be frankly honest, there was so much adrenaline pumping through my body, it was less painful than I anticipated.
After making sure my finger was as straight as possible, I drove myself back home so my dad could drive me to the hospital. The drive home was just full of constant swearing and making sure I didn't crash, causing further injury. My father thought it was just a simple finger sprain but I knew something was wrong when I started to feel numbness in that finger. Never argue with a doctor regarding medical conditions!
I waited for about 45 minutes in the Accident and Emergency department before I was eventually seen. Before people harp on about the long waiting times at Casualty, I accepted I would be seen a little later than expected. I was in pain but I wasn't dying. There are more pressing patients requiring attention. Sometimes you just have to accept the situations that arise.
I was eventually seen by a doctor who let's just say his bedside manner wasn't the greatest. He was surprised, bordering on impoliteness and rudeness, that I knew I had to explain my condition in medical terms and that I was a doctor. He didn't even examine me at all. All he did was give me a provisional diagnosis of a sprained finger, order an X-ray (the first thing he did right) and said if there was nothing wrong with the X-ray he would just give me some painkillers and a few days sick leave.
You know there is something wrong if the radiographer who takes your X-ray says, "Your finger is completely shattered!" The Accident and Emergency doctor, after seeing my X-ray, finally physically touched me and admitted me into hospital - the second thing he did right.
I got to see the doctor on-call, who didn't recognize me but I did recognize him as an old medical school classmate. Probably I've gained so much weight since we last met he didn't notice the change in appearance. When he told me I might not need surgery, I would be put in a slab and will be seen by the specialist on Monday morning, some part of me was a bit disappointed. I wanted to have surgery to show I had something physical wrong with me. I know I'm weird thinking these thoughts.
So I was put on a slab, attended my "Diploma for Advances in Internal Medicine" lectures the next day before returning to the hospital on Monday. After I was assessed by the specialist, they said performing an operation wasn't going to help much, so they decided to let the finger heal by itself and I was put on a splint for the next ten days.
Woohoo! Time off work! Not that I spent the free time lounging around. My professional examinations were just around the corner and I used the extra time studying. Yes, doctors are boring since they used their spare time in books. I had already planned to take a few days off to study anyway, so I was thankful towards my department secretary in cancelling that scheduled leave.
The specialist followed me up ten days later, saw that I was healing nicely with minimal displacement of the fracture and very little rotation of the finger. She thought I could go back to work. At first, I was a little shocked I was going back to work so early. It usually requires four weeks for the fracture to start properly healing. I was still in some considerable pain. On second reflection, it was better that I returned to work as soon as possible. I still had nine other digits which still functioned normally. All I had to do was adapt my routine, take regular painkillers and ask my supervisor to cut the amount of patients I needed to see.
I'm grateful I have a sympathetic supervisor, who cut my patient quota more than the recommended amount that was set by the occupational medicine doctor for the first few days I was back at work. The main worry was typing, which most doctors in the general outpatient clinics do. Initially there was a great deal of pain, having rested that hand for ten days and having to move the left hand around the keyboard to compensate for the lack of use by the ring finger. I forget my painkillers on the first day back to work. After just half hour of typing, there was considerable amount of pain warranting an immediate prescription of ibuprofen from the clinic.
There was a lot I couldn't do apart from typing. Whenever I had to examine someone's throat, I had to switch the torch and the tongue depressor around, since I could press the tongue down with my left hand. Examining major joints was a bit of hassle, since I couldn't grip the limbs properly without wincing. Driving was mildly hampered since I couldn't pull the handbrake. So I had to keep my foot on the brake when waiting at the traffic lights. Cutting anything was a knife and fork resulted in an ouch, since I couldn't properly grip the fork in that position. It resulted in me having to ask my mum to cut my bacon - not the proudest moment of my life.
Eventually life has returned to normal. I took my professional examinations without too much of a problem. I don't need to see the orthopaedic surgeon anymore, since I'm no longer in pain and there is nothing they can really do. There is a mild bending in the finger, since the affected area has been shortened, and a minimal of rotation of the finger. Otherwise most functions I can do normal. I'm still on a reduced patient quota, which means I don't have to be as frantic seeing patients.
Being ill can be a disturbing experience. Yet sometimes is not as dramatic as you think.
(I'm glossing over the factor I have major depression, since I'm talking about physical complaints and most people have difficulty comprehending psychiatric illnesses as being major conditions.)
So some part of me was glad when I got injured in September. I know that last sentence sounds weird but something inside wants to boast I had a scar or a major surgery performed. I haven't even had appendicitis before and most people seemed to suffer that.
I was volunteering for Hong Kong Dog Rescue, a dog charity I frequently help out. I was about to finish up, when one of the dogs (I cannot remember which mutt was responsible now) had escaped from his pen. I was trying to retrieve the dog and I thought I had him cornered. He suddenly rushed passed me and, in an attempt to stop the canine, I reached out with my left hand. He banged quite hard on my hand and he was eventually caught.
The dog was guided back to his pen eventually but there was a problem with me. My left ring finger was twisted and was pointing towards my left little finger. I knew I had either dislocated or fractured my finger. If the digit continued to be in that position, I was worried that was going to be permanent damage.
So I twisted the finger back into place.
There was a large crunching feeling to accompany it. I really don't know if that movement caused my finger to become even more broken but I wasn't going to risk it. Whenever I tell people I set my finger back into it's original position, there is always that reaction associated with being kicked in the genitals. People wince at when I say I twisted my finger back into place, thinking there was a large amount of pain. To be frankly honest, there was so much adrenaline pumping through my body, it was less painful than I anticipated.
After making sure my finger was as straight as possible, I drove myself back home so my dad could drive me to the hospital. The drive home was just full of constant swearing and making sure I didn't crash, causing further injury. My father thought it was just a simple finger sprain but I knew something was wrong when I started to feel numbness in that finger. Never argue with a doctor regarding medical conditions!
I waited for about 45 minutes in the Accident and Emergency department before I was eventually seen. Before people harp on about the long waiting times at Casualty, I accepted I would be seen a little later than expected. I was in pain but I wasn't dying. There are more pressing patients requiring attention. Sometimes you just have to accept the situations that arise.
I was eventually seen by a doctor who let's just say his bedside manner wasn't the greatest. He was surprised, bordering on impoliteness and rudeness, that I knew I had to explain my condition in medical terms and that I was a doctor. He didn't even examine me at all. All he did was give me a provisional diagnosis of a sprained finger, order an X-ray (the first thing he did right) and said if there was nothing wrong with the X-ray he would just give me some painkillers and a few days sick leave.
You know there is something wrong if the radiographer who takes your X-ray says, "Your finger is completely shattered!" The Accident and Emergency doctor, after seeing my X-ray, finally physically touched me and admitted me into hospital - the second thing he did right.
I got to see the doctor on-call, who didn't recognize me but I did recognize him as an old medical school classmate. Probably I've gained so much weight since we last met he didn't notice the change in appearance. When he told me I might not need surgery, I would be put in a slab and will be seen by the specialist on Monday morning, some part of me was a bit disappointed. I wanted to have surgery to show I had something physical wrong with me. I know I'm weird thinking these thoughts.
So I was put on a slab, attended my "Diploma for Advances in Internal Medicine" lectures the next day before returning to the hospital on Monday. After I was assessed by the specialist, they said performing an operation wasn't going to help much, so they decided to let the finger heal by itself and I was put on a splint for the next ten days.
Woohoo! Time off work! Not that I spent the free time lounging around. My professional examinations were just around the corner and I used the extra time studying. Yes, doctors are boring since they used their spare time in books. I had already planned to take a few days off to study anyway, so I was thankful towards my department secretary in cancelling that scheduled leave.
The specialist followed me up ten days later, saw that I was healing nicely with minimal displacement of the fracture and very little rotation of the finger. She thought I could go back to work. At first, I was a little shocked I was going back to work so early. It usually requires four weeks for the fracture to start properly healing. I was still in some considerable pain. On second reflection, it was better that I returned to work as soon as possible. I still had nine other digits which still functioned normally. All I had to do was adapt my routine, take regular painkillers and ask my supervisor to cut the amount of patients I needed to see.
I'm grateful I have a sympathetic supervisor, who cut my patient quota more than the recommended amount that was set by the occupational medicine doctor for the first few days I was back at work. The main worry was typing, which most doctors in the general outpatient clinics do. Initially there was a great deal of pain, having rested that hand for ten days and having to move the left hand around the keyboard to compensate for the lack of use by the ring finger. I forget my painkillers on the first day back to work. After just half hour of typing, there was considerable amount of pain warranting an immediate prescription of ibuprofen from the clinic.
There was a lot I couldn't do apart from typing. Whenever I had to examine someone's throat, I had to switch the torch and the tongue depressor around, since I could press the tongue down with my left hand. Examining major joints was a bit of hassle, since I couldn't grip the limbs properly without wincing. Driving was mildly hampered since I couldn't pull the handbrake. So I had to keep my foot on the brake when waiting at the traffic lights. Cutting anything was a knife and fork resulted in an ouch, since I couldn't properly grip the fork in that position. It resulted in me having to ask my mum to cut my bacon - not the proudest moment of my life.
Eventually life has returned to normal. I took my professional examinations without too much of a problem. I don't need to see the orthopaedic surgeon anymore, since I'm no longer in pain and there is nothing they can really do. There is a mild bending in the finger, since the affected area has been shortened, and a minimal of rotation of the finger. Otherwise most functions I can do normal. I'm still on a reduced patient quota, which means I don't have to be as frantic seeing patients.
Being ill can be a disturbing experience. Yet sometimes is not as dramatic as you think.
Thursday, June 06, 2013
Showing my support for 'Fighting Talk'
To the BBC
I am writing, not to complain,
but to show my support for the radio programme “Fighting Talk” and for all
those involved in the making of the show. This show of support is in reference
to the criticism the programme received by various media outlets about the
episode on the evening of Saturday 1st June 2013 during BBC 5 Live’s
Big Day Out.
On the show, Fighting Talk
panellist Bob Mills was asked in the final round ‘Defending the Indefensible’
to defend the statement, “Give me 20 minutes with her and I’m pretty sure I
could turn round Claire Balding.” What Bob Mills said was, “She’s a horse
women. The one thing Claire appreciates is a bit of power between her thighs.
All I’m saying, there is not a woman in the world who cannot be cured.”
To the uninformed person who
listened to those remarks or who heard those remarks out of context, of course
those words would cause offense. Homosexuality is not a disease that can be
cured but a sexual orientation that civilized people respect. Yet the statement
Bob Mills made is not representative of the man himself, Fighting Talk or BBC 5
Live in general. The statement cannot be analyzed on its own. Analyzing the
comment without any context is akin to believing what an actor or actress says
in a film or what a musician sings in song is reflective of what he or she
believes in real life.
If anybody who heard the whole
programme, they would have listened to the host Colin Murray describe the final
round ‘Defending the Indefensible’:
“No matter what I say, you have to defend it for twenty
seconds. For people in this arena, a little bit like when we did the booing (in
reference to an earlier round), when we really didn’t mean what we were saying.
This is like that round. We don’t mean what we are saying. The whole point is
you have to defend the indefensible. I’m going to get it tattooed across my
forehead because every week someone complains.”
Colin Murray has repeated the
description about ‘Defending the Indefensible’ on every episode. People,
whether they are listening for the first time or have been following the
programme for several years, have been prepared these statements are not representative
of the host, the production team or the Fighting Talk panellists. That is why
the round is called ‘Defending the Indefensible’.
Fighting Talk has been
broadcasting for nearly ten years, to an audience I am estimating to be a few
hundred thousands, not just in the United Kingdom but all over the world and
here in Hong Kong where I have been listening for the past five years. The show
have had guests, ranging from prominent comedians such as John Bishop to
established sportspeople such as Peter Reid who was a panellist on the episode
that has received wide coverage. The programme has received two gold Sony Radio
Academy Award in the sports programme category. There have been “Defending the
Indefensible” statements in the past that have been in poor taste, racists,
sexist and fascist which have not received any complaints or not received any
coverage. The recent events have only come to light when the show has received
a wider audience on a more prominent stage. It is of my own opinion that the
programme primarily received criticism for this reason and not because of the
actual statement.
From my own personal experience,
the production team of Simon Crosse, Mike Holt, Charlie Copsey and Nadia Haif
have been an exemplary group of people who are dedicated to their craft and appreciative
of the listeners of the show. Thanks to successfully winning a ‘Children in
Need’ auction, I was allowed a behind-the-scenes tour of an episode of Fighting
Talk. The production team warmly received me as one of their own, going beyond
the call of duty to accommodate me.
One statement that was put out of
context and for the handful of listeners who complained is not representative
of the thousands of people who support the show. I hope this comes into
consideration.
Yours sincerely,
Dr. Kenneth Leung
Dedicated Fighting Talk listener
Saturday, May 25, 2013
Sex and what I keep thinking about it
Warning: the following blog entry will be about sex, with my thoughts and opinions about the subject. There will be many graphic descriptions about the topic. It may change the way you think about me, for better but most likely for worse. If you are easily offended or find reading about sex disturbing, please do not continue. Please note these are my opinions as a normal person and has nothing to do with my job as a doctor.
I seem to think more about sex than the average person. It is said guys tend to think about sex for most of the day. It seems to be linked to the male genetic make-up, that men have to "sow their seed in every furrow" so that the human race can continue. Well that's the excuse men will give to justify being so horny all the time.
(Before I go on, I would like to state implicitly that I'm not a pervert. My thoughts about sex does not have any influence on my professional life as a doctor. I have not nor will I grope or fondle patients, female or male. I am always professional and courteous when performing physical examinations. When I need to examine a sensitive area, I always have a female chaperone to accompany me. Anyway I'm more afraid of being sued by any patient of sexual assault. I want to make that abundantly clear to anybody who reads this, whether it is a previous / potential patient, a concerned citizen or anybody who cannot accept doctors are not robots but human beings with their own fallibilities and their own opinions about everyday topics.
Right I think I've covered myself legally, morally and professionally. Now where was I? Oh yes, sex...)
I think my obsession about sex can be boiled down to I have yet to lose my virginity at the relatively elderly age of 32 years old. I don't know why I should be ashamed of this status. If I grew up in Hong Kong, my virginal position would be in line with other natives. The conservative society I currently live in has the predominant thought sex should be for after marriage only and only for producing babies. Being in your mid thirties and still a virgin in Hong Kong is not uncommon. Yet I grew up in a different culture overseas and their views of sex are much different. Cherries are popped at a very young age and nobody bats an eyelid at this. Having sex with more than one person in your lifetime does not immediately label somebody as a slag or a man-whore.
Is my fascination with sex a by-product of the frustration of not having a girlfriend? If I was happy being single and using my right hand or the bed, then I wouldn't give this too much thought and be content. Yet I'm frustrated about the single status I occupy.
A combination of personal factors does not make my sexual frustration any better. I'm short, round, wear glasses and not very athletic. In summary, I'm not very attractive to the opposite gender. People tend to hook up with people who are handsome or beautiful, as I have noted when I go to nightclubs. People would rather have sex with good lucking people. I can only imaging fat, ugly people like me must be some of the horniest people around.
It doesn't help that I am introvert and shy. I don't usually go out in the evenings, preferring to stay at home and browse the internet for its primary purpose - porn. I don't go out to pursue women and I know that doesn't help if I want a chance of losing my virginity. Yet I know if I go out and meet women, I might come across as desperate and perverted, as I know these are big turn-offs for women. I'm also afraid of how I react to rejection. The last time a lady turned me down, way back in the university days, I cried for half hour and wanted to kill myself. I now know that was my depression talking but I'm still afraid of rejection. My attempts to attract the opposite sex has been limited since then. When I actively try to chat up women, it never ends with me seeing them again and that leaves me despondent about my single & virginal status.
It doesn't help that women in Hong Kong don't take the initiative and pursue men. Please remember that Hong Kong is still very much a conservative society. They expect to be wined and dined like a princess. If the lady was like me, she would sometimes want to do the chasing other than always being chased. Sometimes I want the lady to show her independence and she doesn't always conform to what society expects of her. It would also mean she'll be open to other ideas.
At the moment I don't want a romantic relationship with feelings. My life is a bit too complicated for that. Unfortunately 99% of women in the world think that the only way to have a relationship with a man is with emotions and especially in Hong Kong. The concepts of casual sex, swingers, fuck buddies, friends with benefits and one night stands are foreign to most people in Hong Kong. I've been trying to find ways to follow this avenue but with not much luck. I have found certain websites but they have certain drawbacks. There is Adult Friend Finder, a website to hook people up but that requires you to put money into that venture, with no guarantee that you will get laid. Also the website attracts women who still want a romantic relationship rather than the casual sex relationship that the group emphasizes on. There must be websites that are written in Chinese which links like minded individuals in this way but I hate myself for not being able to read Chinese. Facebook doesn't seem to have Hong Kong groups like this either.
I seriously thought about hiring a hooker. There are more websites catering for this than there are fuck buddy websites in Hong Kong. There were many things that stopped me from doing this...
I'm also applying the wrong type of criteria in trying to get sex. I should lower my standards and just pick up some random bird, go back to her place and just be done with it. Instead I'm still want the same features for my sexual partner as I want from my future partner. I want her to have a Western background, speak fluent English and to be drop dead gorgeous.
I feel I have been spoiled by Western porn and Playboy models. I want the ideal lady to be slim, busty, with a nice booty and beautiful. Sadly not many Hong Kong girls are like that. They have pretty faces, when they eventually get round to putting on some make up, but not much sex appeal. They are slim but perhaps a bit too slim. As I remember from one movie, "you have got to have meat if you want to feel the heat". Getting ladies in Hong Kong to have plastic surgery is nearly nigh impossible. Women in other countries around the world, especially South Korea and USA, are willing to go under the knife to make themselves look more beautiful for many reasons, including getting ahead in their career area, attracting a rich husband or just to boost their self esteem. I just don't think ladies in Hong Kong are willing to go through the pain of plastic surgery to look beautiful.
Hong Kong ladies don't even wear high heels that often. Everybody knows high heels, although painful, instantly make a lady sexy. I don't mind if you don't wear them to work or going on a country walk, but if you are going to a night club and are not willing to wear some stilettos, just be prepared that you might not attract so much attention than the ladies who do wear f*ck me boots.
The same goes with sexy clothing. Hong Kong ladies never wear anything alluring. They wrap up like it's winter, despite it's nearly over twenty degrees Centigrade all year round. No short skirts, no revealing cleavage, absolutely no skin at all. I think I've seen more flesh from a nun than a Hong Kong woman. For once I would like to see a lady in a dress or something figure hugging.
For the sex, she has to be shaved. Not just her legs and armpits, but also down there. If she wants me to perform oral sex, she has to shave because I don't want to be going through a forest if I have to perform fellatio. If anybody thinks I'm being hypocritical in this situation because I'm maintain my own bush, let me just say I am willing to shave it off in a heartbeat.
And that's the other thing - will my potential partner / fuck buddy be interested in the type of sex I want. I don't just want normal missionary position. I want to try something else - other positions, anal, oral, threesomes with another girl. I draw the line at BDSM, golden showers and getting another guy into the mix though. I do have some limits.
And everybody is going to say, "What have you done to make yourself attractive to ladies? Have you worked out? Have you even lost any weight?" They be right to ask those questions and in truth, I don't have good answers. It goes back to the point I always have when I start pondering about my single status - I'm angry at myself for being so pathetic.
I seem to think more about sex than the average person. It is said guys tend to think about sex for most of the day. It seems to be linked to the male genetic make-up, that men have to "sow their seed in every furrow" so that the human race can continue. Well that's the excuse men will give to justify being so horny all the time.
(Before I go on, I would like to state implicitly that I'm not a pervert. My thoughts about sex does not have any influence on my professional life as a doctor. I have not nor will I grope or fondle patients, female or male. I am always professional and courteous when performing physical examinations. When I need to examine a sensitive area, I always have a female chaperone to accompany me. Anyway I'm more afraid of being sued by any patient of sexual assault. I want to make that abundantly clear to anybody who reads this, whether it is a previous / potential patient, a concerned citizen or anybody who cannot accept doctors are not robots but human beings with their own fallibilities and their own opinions about everyday topics.
Right I think I've covered myself legally, morally and professionally. Now where was I? Oh yes, sex...)
I think my obsession about sex can be boiled down to I have yet to lose my virginity at the relatively elderly age of 32 years old. I don't know why I should be ashamed of this status. If I grew up in Hong Kong, my virginal position would be in line with other natives. The conservative society I currently live in has the predominant thought sex should be for after marriage only and only for producing babies. Being in your mid thirties and still a virgin in Hong Kong is not uncommon. Yet I grew up in a different culture overseas and their views of sex are much different. Cherries are popped at a very young age and nobody bats an eyelid at this. Having sex with more than one person in your lifetime does not immediately label somebody as a slag or a man-whore.
Is my fascination with sex a by-product of the frustration of not having a girlfriend? If I was happy being single and using my right hand or the bed, then I wouldn't give this too much thought and be content. Yet I'm frustrated about the single status I occupy.
A combination of personal factors does not make my sexual frustration any better. I'm short, round, wear glasses and not very athletic. In summary, I'm not very attractive to the opposite gender. People tend to hook up with people who are handsome or beautiful, as I have noted when I go to nightclubs. People would rather have sex with good lucking people. I can only imaging fat, ugly people like me must be some of the horniest people around.
It doesn't help that I am introvert and shy. I don't usually go out in the evenings, preferring to stay at home and browse the internet for its primary purpose - porn. I don't go out to pursue women and I know that doesn't help if I want a chance of losing my virginity. Yet I know if I go out and meet women, I might come across as desperate and perverted, as I know these are big turn-offs for women. I'm also afraid of how I react to rejection. The last time a lady turned me down, way back in the university days, I cried for half hour and wanted to kill myself. I now know that was my depression talking but I'm still afraid of rejection. My attempts to attract the opposite sex has been limited since then. When I actively try to chat up women, it never ends with me seeing them again and that leaves me despondent about my single & virginal status.
It doesn't help that women in Hong Kong don't take the initiative and pursue men. Please remember that Hong Kong is still very much a conservative society. They expect to be wined and dined like a princess. If the lady was like me, she would sometimes want to do the chasing other than always being chased. Sometimes I want the lady to show her independence and she doesn't always conform to what society expects of her. It would also mean she'll be open to other ideas.
At the moment I don't want a romantic relationship with feelings. My life is a bit too complicated for that. Unfortunately 99% of women in the world think that the only way to have a relationship with a man is with emotions and especially in Hong Kong. The concepts of casual sex, swingers, fuck buddies, friends with benefits and one night stands are foreign to most people in Hong Kong. I've been trying to find ways to follow this avenue but with not much luck. I have found certain websites but they have certain drawbacks. There is Adult Friend Finder, a website to hook people up but that requires you to put money into that venture, with no guarantee that you will get laid. Also the website attracts women who still want a romantic relationship rather than the casual sex relationship that the group emphasizes on. There must be websites that are written in Chinese which links like minded individuals in this way but I hate myself for not being able to read Chinese. Facebook doesn't seem to have Hong Kong groups like this either.
I seriously thought about hiring a hooker. There are more websites catering for this than there are fuck buddy websites in Hong Kong. There were many things that stopped me from doing this...
- Price. I really don't want to be paying for something I don't what I'm getting. The prices range from a few hundred dollars to a few thousand. I really don't know what quality I'm getting and the whole experience could be over in 5 minutes.
- Location. I'm still living with my parents, so I can't bring the lady back to my place. I'm reluctant to go to a prostitute's boudoir or a hotel room for many reasons, include filthiness and money, which rules out those options.
- Disease. As a doctor, I've come across some people who have had sexually transmitted diseases from visiting sex workers and I want to avoid that. I could use a condom but that's not 100% foolproof. Wearing a condom would mean I would not be able to ride bareback and I would like to experience that at least once.
- Embarrassment. I don't want the other person to know I am desperate and paying for my first time. I am also embarrassed about being a Chinese person who speaks limited Cantonese. I know I would never see the lady again or I could hire somebody who doesn't speak Cantonese but I still couldn't bear it.
I'm also applying the wrong type of criteria in trying to get sex. I should lower my standards and just pick up some random bird, go back to her place and just be done with it. Instead I'm still want the same features for my sexual partner as I want from my future partner. I want her to have a Western background, speak fluent English and to be drop dead gorgeous.
I feel I have been spoiled by Western porn and Playboy models. I want the ideal lady to be slim, busty, with a nice booty and beautiful. Sadly not many Hong Kong girls are like that. They have pretty faces, when they eventually get round to putting on some make up, but not much sex appeal. They are slim but perhaps a bit too slim. As I remember from one movie, "you have got to have meat if you want to feel the heat". Getting ladies in Hong Kong to have plastic surgery is nearly nigh impossible. Women in other countries around the world, especially South Korea and USA, are willing to go under the knife to make themselves look more beautiful for many reasons, including getting ahead in their career area, attracting a rich husband or just to boost their self esteem. I just don't think ladies in Hong Kong are willing to go through the pain of plastic surgery to look beautiful.
Hong Kong ladies don't even wear high heels that often. Everybody knows high heels, although painful, instantly make a lady sexy. I don't mind if you don't wear them to work or going on a country walk, but if you are going to a night club and are not willing to wear some stilettos, just be prepared that you might not attract so much attention than the ladies who do wear f*ck me boots.
The same goes with sexy clothing. Hong Kong ladies never wear anything alluring. They wrap up like it's winter, despite it's nearly over twenty degrees Centigrade all year round. No short skirts, no revealing cleavage, absolutely no skin at all. I think I've seen more flesh from a nun than a Hong Kong woman. For once I would like to see a lady in a dress or something figure hugging.
For the sex, she has to be shaved. Not just her legs and armpits, but also down there. If she wants me to perform oral sex, she has to shave because I don't want to be going through a forest if I have to perform fellatio. If anybody thinks I'm being hypocritical in this situation because I'm maintain my own bush, let me just say I am willing to shave it off in a heartbeat.
And that's the other thing - will my potential partner / fuck buddy be interested in the type of sex I want. I don't just want normal missionary position. I want to try something else - other positions, anal, oral, threesomes with another girl. I draw the line at BDSM, golden showers and getting another guy into the mix though. I do have some limits.
And everybody is going to say, "What have you done to make yourself attractive to ladies? Have you worked out? Have you even lost any weight?" They be right to ask those questions and in truth, I don't have good answers. It goes back to the point I always have when I start pondering about my single status - I'm angry at myself for being so pathetic.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Back in UK
For those who don't know and I haven't been boring with the details for the past three months, I am back in the UK for the first time in nearly 10 years. Not since I did an attachment in psychiatry at Ealing Hospital just after SARS died down in the summer of 2003, have I stepped back on to British turf. It's been a long time coming. I have been in contact with everything British since I went back to Hong Kong, from the news, entertainment programmes and sports. However having physical contact with anything to do with Great Britain has been quite a while.
There are few things that I have observed since stepping off the plane just a few hours ago.
There are few things that I have observed since stepping off the plane just a few hours ago.
- Online check-ins are great. It saves time, you can pick your seat and print your own boarding pass. However check in early to find the seat that you want. I ended checking in just a few hours before I left for the airport and ended up with limited seating options.
- The limited seating options wasn't too bad. As the flight wasn't full, the two seats next to me were empty. For the whole flight, I could sleep straight!
- Having vacant places next to me meant I couldn't chat up any sexy passengers. Flight attendants, as always, look really nice (even the male ones). This augmented expectation of reality should mean I have got to stop reading erotic fiction and watch porn so much.
- Children less than two years old shouldn't fly, especially on intercontinental flights which last 10+ hours.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Being depressed again (21/02/2013)
Disclaimer:
The following blog entry will be very depressing, primarily as I will be whining and bitching about my life. If this kind of material is not your appetite, do not continue reading. If you don't mind this sort of saddening set of events, then carry on. After looking through this diatribe if you have nothing constructive or pleasant to say, keep your opinions to yourself. I don't want pity, even though the depressed part of me likes wallowing in the self misery I bring upon myself. I also want to apologise if I hurt or offend anyone, which is not my intent. The purpose of writing my thoughts down is therapy for my depression, since I cannot ventilate to anybody right now. I would like to use my friends for this purpose but most of them will be sick and tired of hearing this drivel again, and most of them are busy with their own problems.
Let's begin at the time when I started to become depressed. I recently turned 32 years old at the end of January.
I'm not giving away when my birthday is. This is not for privacy reasons, although that is a secondary factor. I just don't celebrate my birthday any more and I don't want anybody else to celebrate the day either. I haven't celebrated my birthday for about twenty years. I have reasoned it is an arbitrary date, only to celebrate one Earth orbit around the sun. You might call me a miser and you be right to do so.
I'll get back to my point. About twenty years ago, I was asked to write what I had planned for my future. I can distinctly remember what I wrote down:
1. To take 16 GCSEs and get A*'s in most of them (actually all of them).
2. To take 6 A Levels and get A's in most of them (OK, all of them).
3. To study medicine at the University of Cambridge.
4. To be married by 28 years old.
5. To have children by 32 years old.
6. To be awarded the Nobel Prize in Medicine and Physiology.
As you can see I was an ambitious person or very deluded when I was young. To no one's surprise I haven't achieved even one of those goals. I haven't been totally disheartened about not reaching these expectations. When I finally understood how GCSEs and A Levels worked, I was not so disappointed about the results I got. I wasn't so down-heartened about not going to Cambridge. Some part of me, looking back, is somewhat relieved about not attending an elitist university (disclaimer: I don't think people from Cambridge University are snobbish, just the institution and culture behind the facade). At least I got to study medicine and graduate (finally). A long time ago I gave up on ambition number 6, since I know that was an unrealistic aim.
Which leaves ambitions number 3 and 4: getting married and having little munchkins. Out of all the ambitions I haveset myself, these you would think be the most achievable. I never thought I would be at 32 years old, still single, never had a girlfriend or even had sex Yes, I'm going to keeping harping on that I'm still a virgin like it is a badge of disgrace.
I have reasonably achieved all the other goals. I'm a general practitioner in training with a good job. I'm debt free and don't have much financial worries or burdens at the moment. So why should I depressed?
This is when the negative side of my psyche kicks in. For every shining light, there is a darkness that is waiting to engulf the brightness and warmth.
I wanted to be a psychiatrist in the first place after I was diagnosed with depression. I felt I could connect with psychiatric patients in that way, knowing what they were going through. Yet I knew I couldn't be a psychiatrist, not in Hong Kong with low proficiency of my spoken Cantonese. I fell into family medicine as I couldn't think of anything else to do. I'm thankful for this, since I have good working hours, reasonable holiday time and don't have to be on-call in a hospital. I'm also relieved since I realized I don't have the patience to be a psychiatrist. My attention level is just right for short consultations such as those in family medicine or accident and emergency.
I'm still in training to be a specialist because my depressive disorder cost me four years of my life. It took me nine years to graduate in medicine, instead of the five years it normal takes at my
university. Surely that is some kind of record, nine years to get a single degree. If I had actually graduated from university on time, I would have been a specialist resident by now. I would have been on par with my friends in university. Instead I lag behind most of them now. I see friends going on passing their examinations, become specialists, getting married and having a kid or two. People have mentioned I shouldn't compare but it is hard not to when every time I go on Facebook, there is my best friend's husband constantly posting pictures of his son every single day. Thank goodness Facebook had the foresight to put an "Acquaintance mode" for this sort of situation.
Because of my depression, I have difficulty relating to people. If the depressed part of me takes over, I don't want to go out, meet friends or attend social engagements. If I finally venture to the outside world, I have difficulty making small talk. I try to engage in chit-chat but every time I seem to do, I get this vibe that I'm despicable, retarded or any other negative trait you can think of. Maybe I'm just paranoid or self consciousness, which are just as bad.
All of these thoughts were lingering in the back of my mind since my birthday. They've been festering in a liquid of hatred and self-loathing. Having the Lunar New Year didn't help either. Too much free time on one's hands leads to a wandering mind. There are constant reminders of your loneliness. In Chinese tradition, only married couples are to give Lai See packets of money to people who have yet to get married. It's great to receive money from your family, friends and colleagues. However I would gladly trade that money for having some companionship by my side.
What was going to make my situation much worse was on the horizons - Valentine's Day.
Normally I super hate Valentine's Day. It is just a business day to pump money out of gullible people who should be sharing their love 365 days a year instead of storing it up for one day when anything romantic will be expensive. Also it is prejudice against single people.
However this year could be different. One of my good friends from England was getting married. Instead of holding the wedding in England, the bride and groom decided to come to Hong Kong, bringing friends and family over to celebrate. This would mean I would meet my friend's other friends. Now in the back of my mind, I was keeping my fingers cross the wedding would be like the ones shown in films such as "Four Weddings and a Funeral" or "Wedding Crashers". I pictured the scene at the wedding banquet: single women in search of an one-night stand. and I was available.
Was I disappointed? Ultimately yes, if the motive was going to get laid. That's how desperate I am. My thinking is always dominated about having sex because it is inextricably linked to my single status. My mind always thinks if my virginity goes, so does my single status.
However I did meet two very nice ladies. Both were very different in personalities but both were very likeable. I hope both ladies keep in contact in the future. Yet I always have this low self esteem issue with women. I always think I came across as a buffoon towards other people. I know I didn't come across as endearing, regaling very unappetizing stories of medical predicaments whilst people are tucking into their dinner. This is something I've got stop doing at social engagements.
I did have an enjoyable time at my friend's wedding. I got to meet new people, dance and get drunk, which I have been missing. Yet that negative side of me is always there as a shadow, reminding me of my single status. I thought I would accept that I would remain single, with my unique status as a third culture person, somebody who has depression and a guy with an introvert nature making me believe that this would be so. Yet there is some part of me which seems to say I'm entitled to the opposite sex. "You're a doctor with a good income, well-organized, intelligent and considerate. Why shouldn't girls be looking for somebody like you?" That is all true but there are other considerations. I'm not the best looking or most healthiest of male specimens. I'm always trying to make excuses for my single status, not pointing out that I hardly go out to make friends or engage in social activities.
I've been told that my depression will be a part of me for the rest of my life. Since I've been suffering from the condition from a young age, it will be hard to shake off. I have long accepted that. What I want is resolution of my single status and it doesn't seem to be coming any time soon.
The following blog entry will be very depressing, primarily as I will be whining and bitching about my life. If this kind of material is not your appetite, do not continue reading. If you don't mind this sort of saddening set of events, then carry on. After looking through this diatribe if you have nothing constructive or pleasant to say, keep your opinions to yourself. I don't want pity, even though the depressed part of me likes wallowing in the self misery I bring upon myself. I also want to apologise if I hurt or offend anyone, which is not my intent. The purpose of writing my thoughts down is therapy for my depression, since I cannot ventilate to anybody right now. I would like to use my friends for this purpose but most of them will be sick and tired of hearing this drivel again, and most of them are busy with their own problems.
Let's begin at the time when I started to become depressed. I recently turned 32 years old at the end of January.
I'm not giving away when my birthday is. This is not for privacy reasons, although that is a secondary factor. I just don't celebrate my birthday any more and I don't want anybody else to celebrate the day either. I haven't celebrated my birthday for about twenty years. I have reasoned it is an arbitrary date, only to celebrate one Earth orbit around the sun. You might call me a miser and you be right to do so.
I'll get back to my point. About twenty years ago, I was asked to write what I had planned for my future. I can distinctly remember what I wrote down:
1. To take 16 GCSEs and get A*'s in most of them (actually all of them).
2. To take 6 A Levels and get A's in most of them (OK, all of them).
3. To study medicine at the University of Cambridge.
4. To be married by 28 years old.
5. To have children by 32 years old.
6. To be awarded the Nobel Prize in Medicine and Physiology.
As you can see I was an ambitious person or very deluded when I was young. To no one's surprise I haven't achieved even one of those goals. I haven't been totally disheartened about not reaching these expectations. When I finally understood how GCSEs and A Levels worked, I was not so disappointed about the results I got. I wasn't so down-heartened about not going to Cambridge. Some part of me, looking back, is somewhat relieved about not attending an elitist university (disclaimer: I don't think people from Cambridge University are snobbish, just the institution and culture behind the facade). At least I got to study medicine and graduate (finally). A long time ago I gave up on ambition number 6, since I know that was an unrealistic aim.
Which leaves ambitions number 3 and 4: getting married and having little munchkins. Out of all the ambitions I haveset myself, these you would think be the most achievable. I never thought I would be at 32 years old, still single, never had a girlfriend or even had sex Yes, I'm going to keeping harping on that I'm still a virgin like it is a badge of disgrace.
I have reasonably achieved all the other goals. I'm a general practitioner in training with a good job. I'm debt free and don't have much financial worries or burdens at the moment. So why should I depressed?
This is when the negative side of my psyche kicks in. For every shining light, there is a darkness that is waiting to engulf the brightness and warmth.
I wanted to be a psychiatrist in the first place after I was diagnosed with depression. I felt I could connect with psychiatric patients in that way, knowing what they were going through. Yet I knew I couldn't be a psychiatrist, not in Hong Kong with low proficiency of my spoken Cantonese. I fell into family medicine as I couldn't think of anything else to do. I'm thankful for this, since I have good working hours, reasonable holiday time and don't have to be on-call in a hospital. I'm also relieved since I realized I don't have the patience to be a psychiatrist. My attention level is just right for short consultations such as those in family medicine or accident and emergency.
I'm still in training to be a specialist because my depressive disorder cost me four years of my life. It took me nine years to graduate in medicine, instead of the five years it normal takes at my
university. Surely that is some kind of record, nine years to get a single degree. If I had actually graduated from university on time, I would have been a specialist resident by now. I would have been on par with my friends in university. Instead I lag behind most of them now. I see friends going on passing their examinations, become specialists, getting married and having a kid or two. People have mentioned I shouldn't compare but it is hard not to when every time I go on Facebook, there is my best friend's husband constantly posting pictures of his son every single day. Thank goodness Facebook had the foresight to put an "Acquaintance mode" for this sort of situation.
Because of my depression, I have difficulty relating to people. If the depressed part of me takes over, I don't want to go out, meet friends or attend social engagements. If I finally venture to the outside world, I have difficulty making small talk. I try to engage in chit-chat but every time I seem to do, I get this vibe that I'm despicable, retarded or any other negative trait you can think of. Maybe I'm just paranoid or self consciousness, which are just as bad.
All of these thoughts were lingering in the back of my mind since my birthday. They've been festering in a liquid of hatred and self-loathing. Having the Lunar New Year didn't help either. Too much free time on one's hands leads to a wandering mind. There are constant reminders of your loneliness. In Chinese tradition, only married couples are to give Lai See packets of money to people who have yet to get married. It's great to receive money from your family, friends and colleagues. However I would gladly trade that money for having some companionship by my side.
What was going to make my situation much worse was on the horizons - Valentine's Day.
Normally I super hate Valentine's Day. It is just a business day to pump money out of gullible people who should be sharing their love 365 days a year instead of storing it up for one day when anything romantic will be expensive. Also it is prejudice against single people.
However this year could be different. One of my good friends from England was getting married. Instead of holding the wedding in England, the bride and groom decided to come to Hong Kong, bringing friends and family over to celebrate. This would mean I would meet my friend's other friends. Now in the back of my mind, I was keeping my fingers cross the wedding would be like the ones shown in films such as "Four Weddings and a Funeral" or "Wedding Crashers". I pictured the scene at the wedding banquet: single women in search of an one-night stand. and I was available.
Was I disappointed? Ultimately yes, if the motive was going to get laid. That's how desperate I am. My thinking is always dominated about having sex because it is inextricably linked to my single status. My mind always thinks if my virginity goes, so does my single status.
However I did meet two very nice ladies. Both were very different in personalities but both were very likeable. I hope both ladies keep in contact in the future. Yet I always have this low self esteem issue with women. I always think I came across as a buffoon towards other people. I know I didn't come across as endearing, regaling very unappetizing stories of medical predicaments whilst people are tucking into their dinner. This is something I've got stop doing at social engagements.
I did have an enjoyable time at my friend's wedding. I got to meet new people, dance and get drunk, which I have been missing. Yet that negative side of me is always there as a shadow, reminding me of my single status. I thought I would accept that I would remain single, with my unique status as a third culture person, somebody who has depression and a guy with an introvert nature making me believe that this would be so. Yet there is some part of me which seems to say I'm entitled to the opposite sex. "You're a doctor with a good income, well-organized, intelligent and considerate. Why shouldn't girls be looking for somebody like you?" That is all true but there are other considerations. I'm not the best looking or most healthiest of male specimens. I'm always trying to make excuses for my single status, not pointing out that I hardly go out to make friends or engage in social activities.
I've been told that my depression will be a part of me for the rest of my life. Since I've been suffering from the condition from a young age, it will be hard to shake off. I have long accepted that. What I want is resolution of my single status and it doesn't seem to be coming any time soon.
Sunday, December 16, 2012
The Second Amendment
After the tragic event that occurred in Newtown, Connecticut on Friday, the question that is often used by us non-US ignorant people is this: "Why do you Americans still hang on to this rule?"
I know the US Constitution is sacred amongst the American people. I don't want to trash it or give any disrespect for it. But can one person come and explain to the rest of the world, after the killings in Sandy Hook Elementary School or even after the numerous shootings that have occurred over the past years, why the American people don't stop this.
I really wish to have an educated debate on this, so lets go back to the original text:
"A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed."
The overall gist I get from the Second Amendment is the US founding fathers wanted people to have the right to protect themselves in no matter way. I have no problem with this issue. I don't think Jefferson or Washington wanted their citizens to go out and kill people just for the sake of it. They wanted normal Americans to be able to defend themselves and be self reliant. I don't like animal hunting but in this context, I can understand why people have hunting rifles for this hobby - that is a legitimate claim.
But would the likes of John Adams and Benjamin Franklin could foresee that arms, including firearms, could get more sophisticated? Could they imagine that firearms could be have faster reloading mechanism or quicker firing rates that they no longer became a way to protect oneself but became an avenue of destruction and mayhem? As one anti-assault-weapon protester said during an interview outside the White House, weapons such as machine guns and assault rifles have no place in common society.
"But it's in our Constitution!" I hear Americans cry. I know its the establishment for your law and order in your country. Yet amendments have been added over the history of your nation. Could it be possible to have amendments altered or even deleted? The Eighteenth Amendment was the prohibition of alcohol, but was repealed by the Twenty First Amendment, which regulated the sale of alcohol. So there is a precedent. I'm just raising this possibility and I would like to have an informed person state why this cannot be so.
Even then, there are a lot of sacred texts that people pick and choose. Does that seem familiar to all you Christians out there? That's another debate for another date.
I know the pro-gun lobby, mainly in the form of the National Rifle Association, would oppose any further control. But can any member of the NRA go up to a parent, especially one from Newtown, Connecticut and state that, despite that most of the weapons used in gun shootings are legally bought, what they are doing is right?
I know the US Constitution is sacred amongst the American people. I don't want to trash it or give any disrespect for it. But can one person come and explain to the rest of the world, after the killings in Sandy Hook Elementary School or even after the numerous shootings that have occurred over the past years, why the American people don't stop this.
I really wish to have an educated debate on this, so lets go back to the original text:
"A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed."
The overall gist I get from the Second Amendment is the US founding fathers wanted people to have the right to protect themselves in no matter way. I have no problem with this issue. I don't think Jefferson or Washington wanted their citizens to go out and kill people just for the sake of it. They wanted normal Americans to be able to defend themselves and be self reliant. I don't like animal hunting but in this context, I can understand why people have hunting rifles for this hobby - that is a legitimate claim.
But would the likes of John Adams and Benjamin Franklin could foresee that arms, including firearms, could get more sophisticated? Could they imagine that firearms could be have faster reloading mechanism or quicker firing rates that they no longer became a way to protect oneself but became an avenue of destruction and mayhem? As one anti-assault-weapon protester said during an interview outside the White House, weapons such as machine guns and assault rifles have no place in common society.
"But it's in our Constitution!" I hear Americans cry. I know its the establishment for your law and order in your country. Yet amendments have been added over the history of your nation. Could it be possible to have amendments altered or even deleted? The Eighteenth Amendment was the prohibition of alcohol, but was repealed by the Twenty First Amendment, which regulated the sale of alcohol. So there is a precedent. I'm just raising this possibility and I would like to have an informed person state why this cannot be so.
Even then, there are a lot of sacred texts that people pick and choose. Does that seem familiar to all you Christians out there? That's another debate for another date.
I know the pro-gun lobby, mainly in the form of the National Rifle Association, would oppose any further control. But can any member of the NRA go up to a parent, especially one from Newtown, Connecticut and state that, despite that most of the weapons used in gun shootings are legally bought, what they are doing is right?
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Automatic headlights
They don't work. They just don't work.
What am I talking about? Automatic headlights.
I'm not disputing the "headlights" part. They function just fine. In fact, that is a whole other blog entry to write about, how headlights have become TOO powerful. What I'm ranting about is the "automatic" side of things.
The whole point of automatic headlights is when the visibility becomes too low, such as when it becomes dark or there is adverse weather conditions such as mist or heavy rain, the lights will turn on to aid vision. It is designed for the lazy or ignorant driver who are far too busy to concern themselves with road safety. They are doing other things such as using their mobile phones to talk to people when it is illegal or smoking a fag.
However the sensitivity of the detector is a bit too touchy when it comes to detecting anything resembling light. They don't really work in some conditions of rain, such as a light drizzle. They don't work when it is cloudy - it is still fine not to use those lights but they turn on and blind the driver in front. They switch on when I'm driving in tunnels, even when the tunnel is well lit
I've had to resort to switching the bloody thing off and relying on a thing called my brain to know when to switch on or off headlights. People use to do this back in the old days, so why the need for automatic headlights now? Perhaps car companies should include an additional option to adjust the sensitivity of the automatic headlights. They may have already done, but now on my Volkswagen Golf.
What am I talking about? Automatic headlights.
I'm not disputing the "headlights" part. They function just fine. In fact, that is a whole other blog entry to write about, how headlights have become TOO powerful. What I'm ranting about is the "automatic" side of things.
The whole point of automatic headlights is when the visibility becomes too low, such as when it becomes dark or there is adverse weather conditions such as mist or heavy rain, the lights will turn on to aid vision. It is designed for the lazy or ignorant driver who are far too busy to concern themselves with road safety. They are doing other things such as using their mobile phones to talk to people when it is illegal or smoking a fag.
However the sensitivity of the detector is a bit too touchy when it comes to detecting anything resembling light. They don't really work in some conditions of rain, such as a light drizzle. They don't work when it is cloudy - it is still fine not to use those lights but they turn on and blind the driver in front. They switch on when I'm driving in tunnels, even when the tunnel is well lit
I've had to resort to switching the bloody thing off and relying on a thing called my brain to know when to switch on or off headlights. People use to do this back in the old days, so why the need for automatic headlights now? Perhaps car companies should include an additional option to adjust the sensitivity of the automatic headlights. They may have already done, but now on my Volkswagen Golf.
Thursday, November 08, 2012
Movember
I know I'm not going to get a lot of exposure or sponsorship for what I'm doing, but the other aspect of the event is to raise awarenesss...
What am I talking about? Growing a moustache this month. It's all in the aid of "Movember", to highlight men's health and especially prostate cancer. Guys are suppose to grow moustaches only but I'm breaking the rule by also growing a beard. I might shave the beard halfway in if it looks bad.
If you want to check my progress, go to my MoBro page.
What am I talking about? Growing a moustache this month. It's all in the aid of "Movember", to highlight men's health and especially prostate cancer. Guys are suppose to grow moustaches only but I'm breaking the rule by also growing a beard. I might shave the beard halfway in if it looks bad.
If you want to check my progress, go to my MoBro page.
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Contenders for BBC Sports Personality of the Year
I know all sports people don't consider this the ultimate prize of their career or even this year. But I do like a list with the analysis which goes into the thought process.
Giving Andy Murray the slight edge is four major accomplishments (US Open winner, Wimbledon finalist, Olympic gold and silver medallist). He also still has the change to win the ATP World Tours Finals in London in November and finish the year as number one, although the latter is less likely.
Probably going against him would be that he's Scottish. I'm not being racist, is just most of the voters in Sports Personality of the Year will be English. Also his portrayed dour personality is something against him, which is contrary to actual fact. Watch the episode of Andy Murray appearing on Mock the Week just after he lost at Wimbledon and you'll see his real personality.
3. Sarah Storey (cycling)
4. David Weir (athletics)
8. Rory McIlroy (golf)
10. Lee Pearson (equestrian)
Honourable mentions
Jason Kenny (cycling)
Probably going against him would be that he's Scottish. I'm not being racist, is just most of the voters in Sports Personality of the Year will be English. Also his portrayed dour personality is something against him, which is contrary to actual fact. Watch the episode of Andy Murray appearing on Mock the Week just after he lost at Wimbledon and you'll see his real personality.
3. Sarah Storey (cycling)
- Paralympic women's individual pursuit C5gold medallist
- Paralympic women's 500 m time trial C4-5gold medallist
- Paralympic women's time trial C5 gold medallist
- Paralympic women's road race C4-5gold medallist
- Most decorated British Paralympian in terms of number of medals
- Joint second most decorated British Paralympian in terms of number of gold medals
4. David Weir (athletics)
- Paralympic men's 800 m T54 gold medallist
- Paralympic men's 1500 m T54 gold medallist
- Paralympic men's 5000 m T54 gold medallist
- Paralympic men's marathon T54 gold medallist
8. Rory McIlroy (golf)
- Won his 2nd major, the US PGA by a record eight strokes
- At the time of writing, World No. 1, European No. 1, PGA Tour No. 1
By winning his 2nd major with the US PGA, McIlroy became the 6th youngest multiple major winner and the youngest since the great Seve Ballesteros. And he's only 23 years old. It will be difficult for the Northern Ireland golfer to make himself prominent in an Olympic/Paralympic dominant field. He can still achieve more in the remainder of the year, by finishing the year as No. 1 in three different tours and helping the European Ryder Cup team to a win in USA. Let's hope he'll bring Carolina Wozniacki to the awards.
9.
10. Lee Pearson (equestrian)
- Paralympic mixed team championship gold medallist
- Paralympic individual championship test grade Ib silver medallist
- Paralympic freestyle dressage bronze medallist
Honourable mentions
Jason Kenny (cycling)
Hannah Cockcroft (athletics)
Saturday, September 08, 2012
BBC's Sports Team of the Year guesses
My guesses for BBC's Sports Personality of the Year, Team of the Year:
1. Team GB Olympic cycling team
- Won one fifth of the medals on offer
- Only team to win more than one gold medal
- Won medals in 9 out of 10 events (7 of them gold) on the track
2. Team GB Paralympic equestrian team
- Won one third of the medals on offer
- Won nearly half of the gold medals on offer
- Won a medal in each of the events on offer
- Every member of the team won a medal in the individual events and every member won a gold medal
3. Team GB Olympic rowing team
- Won over one fifth of the medals on offer
- Women won 3 out of 6 gold medals on offer
4. Team GB Paralympic cycling team
- Won one sixth of the medals on offer
- Won one sixth of the gold medals on offer
- Pursuit team never finished lower than 4th
5. Chelsea football team
- Won the UEFA Champions' League, despite being totally crap
- Made John Terry more of a c*nt, which takes some doing
1. Team GB Olympic cycling team
- Won one fifth of the medals on offer
- Only team to win more than one gold medal
- Won medals in 9 out of 10 events (7 of them gold) on the track
2. Team GB Paralympic equestrian team
- Won one third of the medals on offer
- Won nearly half of the gold medals on offer
- Won a medal in each of the events on offer
- Every member of the team won a medal in the individual events and every member won a gold medal
3. Team GB Olympic rowing team
- Won over one fifth of the medals on offer
- Women won 3 out of 6 gold medals on offer
4. Team GB Paralympic cycling team
- Won one sixth of the medals on offer
- Won one sixth of the gold medals on offer
- Pursuit team never finished lower than 4th
5. Chelsea football team
- Won the UEFA Champions' League, despite being totally crap
- Made John Terry more of a c*nt, which takes some doing
Monday, August 13, 2012
Early contenders for BBC Sports Personality of the Year
Only cyclist to have won the Tour de France and an Olympic gold medal in the same year
World keirin champion
Most successful British Olympian in terms of gold medals
Trained barista
7.
8. Charlotte Dujardin
Olympic team & individual dressage champion
Shows equestrian is not just for people with trust funds: went to a comprehensive school and her mother had to buy and sell ponies for a living to help fund her daughter's training
Won his 2nd major, the US PGA by a record eight strokes
6th youngest multiple major winner
At the time of writing, World No. 1, European No. 1, PGA Tour No. 2
Another lucky git, dating Carolina Wozniacki
10. Jason Kenny
Olympic individual sprint and team sprint gold medallist
Heir apparent to Chris Hoy
Dating Laura Trott, which makes him a lucky bastardHonourable mention: Victoria Pendleton
Olympic keirin champion
Olympic sprint silver medallist
World sprint champion
Still the sexiest lady in sports by a mile
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Overview of Arsenal squad
Goalkeepers
Wojciech Szczęsny - keep
Łukasz Fabiański - maybe, if he can accept being the reserve goalkeeper to Szczesny
Vito Mannone - sell
Manuel Almunia - already gone
Right back
Bacary Sagna - keep
Carl Jenkinson - keep
Centre back
Thomas Vermalaen - keep
Laurent Koscielny - keep
Per Mertesacker - keep
Johan Djourou - maybe
Sébastien Squillaci - sell
Ignasi Miquel - send out on loan
Left back
Kieran Gibbs - keep
Andre Santos - keep
Central midfielders
Tomáš Rosický - keep
Mikel Arteta - keep
Aaron Ramsey - keep
Alex Song - keep
Jack Wilshere - keep
Abou Diaby - keep (we have got to give him a chance to recover from injury)
Emmanuel Frimpong - send out on loan
Francis Coquelin - send out on loan
Craig Eastmond - send out on loan
Nico Yennaris - send out on loan
Henri Lansbury - sell (let's face the fact, he's not going to get into the team with at least five players ahead of him)
Andrei Arshavin - sell (he wants to go since he is not being played in his preferred role)
Denilson - sell
Wingers
Theo Walcott - keep
Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain - keep
Gervinho - keep (give him one more season)
Forwards
Robin Van Persie - keep (as far as possible, even it means breaking the bank in terms of wages and signing new players)
Lukas Podolski - keep
Park Ju-Young - maybe (I would like to give him one more season to prove himself)
Marouane Chamakh - sell
Nicklas Bendtner - sell
Carlos Vela - sell
Ryo Miyaichi - send out on loan
What Arsenal need
Centre back x 1
Winger x 1
Forwards x 2
Defensive midfielder x 1
Wojciech Szczęsny - keep
Łukasz Fabiański - maybe, if he can accept being the reserve goalkeeper to Szczesny
Vito Mannone - sell
Manuel Almunia - already gone
Right back
Bacary Sagna - keep
Carl Jenkinson - keep
Centre back
Thomas Vermalaen - keep
Laurent Koscielny - keep
Per Mertesacker - keep
Johan Djourou - maybe
Sébastien Squillaci - sell
Ignasi Miquel - send out on loan
Left back
Kieran Gibbs - keep
Andre Santos - keep
Central midfielders
Tomáš Rosický - keep
Mikel Arteta - keep
Aaron Ramsey - keep
Alex Song - keep
Jack Wilshere - keep
Abou Diaby - keep (we have got to give him a chance to recover from injury)
Emmanuel Frimpong - send out on loan
Francis Coquelin - send out on loan
Craig Eastmond - send out on loan
Nico Yennaris - send out on loan
Henri Lansbury - sell (let's face the fact, he's not going to get into the team with at least five players ahead of him)
Andrei Arshavin - sell (he wants to go since he is not being played in his preferred role)
Denilson - sell
Wingers
Theo Walcott - keep
Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain - keep
Gervinho - keep (give him one more season)
Forwards
Robin Van Persie - keep (as far as possible, even it means breaking the bank in terms of wages and signing new players)
Lukas Podolski - keep
Park Ju-Young - maybe (I would like to give him one more season to prove himself)
Marouane Chamakh - sell
Nicklas Bendtner - sell
Carlos Vela - sell
Ryo Miyaichi - send out on loan
What Arsenal need
Centre back x 1
Winger x 1
Forwards x 2
Defensive midfielder x 1
Sunday, June 10, 2012
The advantages of online shopping
A few weeks ago, I had to find gifts for my friend's baby shower. The ordeal was not easy. Whenever I am out, I am browsing around baby stores looking for gifts. I looked in all kind of stores, from the deluge of baby shops which to seem to infest all shopping malls to the chain stores such as Toys 'R Us and Mothercare, to look for suitable presents.
Like most males of the human race, I am not a happy bunny when the matter comes to this type of shopping. Us men just don't have the same appetite as women for browsing stores or window shopping. Guys will have in mind what they want, find what they want and get the hell out, just like sex. Women will want to take their time, try everything on offer and not give the goods in the end, again just like sex.
Another reason why I don't like to go out to shop is being approached by store staff whenever they try to help me. Having grown up in the UK, I'm not use to customer service of any kind. I like to go in the shop, browse around, find what I want, pay for the items and leave. My situation means stores don't really need staff to man the aisles, all they need is proper self checkouts to work properly - something which is troubling shoppers at UK supermarkets I hear (or read to be more accurate).
The only time I need the assistance of shop staff is to find something I can't see on the shelves or to ask information about a product. When that scenario arises and only if that scenario arises, then I will find a member of staff to help and not before. Please shop staff, don't cry out "Welcome to [insert generic shop name here]!" every time a customers enter the front door. Please shop staff, stop coming up to every browser within talking distance of you to ask "Do you need any help?" when clearly all that person wants to do is to browse. If he or she requires any help at all, they would be capable of asking you when that situation arises. Please shop staff, don't try to intimidate people into buying stuff they don't want - it just makes me want to leave the shop right away and never shop in that establishment again.
Which is why I have resorted more to online shopping. There are a great deal of advantages of using the internet to buy whatever you want.
1. The variety will be much greater. The shop, even chain stores, will not have every item in stock. I have the whole of the internet to find what I want.
2. I can find much more thorough information of the product I want. Not all staff are knowledgeable regarding all the items in their store. With the web, I can find more information and use other tools, such price and product comparison.
3. The hassle is less. Most companies now have free or low cost delivery. Even if it costs a few bob to deliver, you have consider the money you would spend to go out to buy the product, either in public transport or driving your car with added costs in fuel and parking. Also consider the time saved as well.
With that said (or written), this only applies to countries with good online shopping, such as North America, Western Europe and Australasia. The quality of Hong Kong online shopping is not on par, at least in the English speaking side. This is something you wouldn't envisage a developed city.
That is my first problem. Even though sole speaking English people are a minority, I would like to think we have the wallet size to attract businesses to put up a decent English website. That is not the case. The English version of Hong Kong eBay and Yahoo! Auctions are not existent. Same with Broadway electronics, even though it is one of the major electronic/electrical stores in Hong Kong. Thankfully Fortress electronics have a decent online store, although the variety is not that great.
At least the major supermarkets, Wellcome and Park N' Shop, have decent online shopping and delivery. I think any major country should have decent online supermarkets, since grocery shopping is a major part of most people's lives.
From there, the drop is quite steep. I cannot comment on all fields, since I don't have interest in clothes and I haven't got around to buying furniture online. Let's just say I found it really difficult to buy anything online regarding baby gifts. There is a decent amount on basic baby products but when you want to find some specialised baby products, there are few online stores.
The same is with electronic products. I have had to search items individually to find if they are stocked in Hong Kong. I would expect Hong Kong to have a more decent market regarding buying electronic goods online, given that the Hong Kong people are so technologically driven with changing their phones every year. There are a few decent sites in Hong Kong, so people don't have to despair.
The online book buying is decent but not as great as in UK or US. The two major bookstores in Hong Kong - Dymocks and Page One - don't even have an online store. At least have an inventory or a contact details so we can enquire if you have book in store, which Dymocks does to save it from being totally lambasted by me. Even if you don't have an online store, please put a catalogue up so customers can have a browse to see if you stock that product
The last swipe is online digital music. The HMV Hong Kong store is appalling, only being able to download very obscure music. iTunes music doesn't even have a Hong Kong store. I do want to buy singles and not buy albums as I am not an avid music fan, only albums just to get the song I want on it.
Perhaps I'm being harsh. Hong Kong people shop differently compared to US or UK people. Perhaps there are decent online stores in Hong Kong, which I haven't found or are just in Chinese. If anybody has any suggestions, please contact me so I can order as much stuff as I want in the comfort of my pyjamas.
Like most males of the human race, I am not a happy bunny when the matter comes to this type of shopping. Us men just don't have the same appetite as women for browsing stores or window shopping. Guys will have in mind what they want, find what they want and get the hell out, just like sex. Women will want to take their time, try everything on offer and not give the goods in the end, again just like sex.
Another reason why I don't like to go out to shop is being approached by store staff whenever they try to help me. Having grown up in the UK, I'm not use to customer service of any kind. I like to go in the shop, browse around, find what I want, pay for the items and leave. My situation means stores don't really need staff to man the aisles, all they need is proper self checkouts to work properly - something which is troubling shoppers at UK supermarkets I hear (or read to be more accurate).
The only time I need the assistance of shop staff is to find something I can't see on the shelves or to ask information about a product. When that scenario arises and only if that scenario arises, then I will find a member of staff to help and not before. Please shop staff, don't cry out "Welcome to [insert generic shop name here]!" every time a customers enter the front door. Please shop staff, stop coming up to every browser within talking distance of you to ask "Do you need any help?" when clearly all that person wants to do is to browse. If he or she requires any help at all, they would be capable of asking you when that situation arises. Please shop staff, don't try to intimidate people into buying stuff they don't want - it just makes me want to leave the shop right away and never shop in that establishment again.
Which is why I have resorted more to online shopping. There are a great deal of advantages of using the internet to buy whatever you want.
1. The variety will be much greater. The shop, even chain stores, will not have every item in stock. I have the whole of the internet to find what I want.
2. I can find much more thorough information of the product I want. Not all staff are knowledgeable regarding all the items in their store. With the web, I can find more information and use other tools, such price and product comparison.
3. The hassle is less. Most companies now have free or low cost delivery. Even if it costs a few bob to deliver, you have consider the money you would spend to go out to buy the product, either in public transport or driving your car with added costs in fuel and parking. Also consider the time saved as well.
With that said (or written), this only applies to countries with good online shopping, such as North America, Western Europe and Australasia. The quality of Hong Kong online shopping is not on par, at least in the English speaking side. This is something you wouldn't envisage a developed city.
That is my first problem. Even though sole speaking English people are a minority, I would like to think we have the wallet size to attract businesses to put up a decent English website. That is not the case. The English version of Hong Kong eBay and Yahoo! Auctions are not existent. Same with Broadway electronics, even though it is one of the major electronic/electrical stores in Hong Kong. Thankfully Fortress electronics have a decent online store, although the variety is not that great.
At least the major supermarkets, Wellcome and Park N' Shop, have decent online shopping and delivery. I think any major country should have decent online supermarkets, since grocery shopping is a major part of most people's lives.
From there, the drop is quite steep. I cannot comment on all fields, since I don't have interest in clothes and I haven't got around to buying furniture online. Let's just say I found it really difficult to buy anything online regarding baby gifts. There is a decent amount on basic baby products but when you want to find some specialised baby products, there are few online stores.
The same is with electronic products. I have had to search items individually to find if they are stocked in Hong Kong. I would expect Hong Kong to have a more decent market regarding buying electronic goods online, given that the Hong Kong people are so technologically driven with changing their phones every year. There are a few decent sites in Hong Kong, so people don't have to despair.
The online book buying is decent but not as great as in UK or US. The two major bookstores in Hong Kong - Dymocks and Page One - don't even have an online store. At least have an inventory or a contact details so we can enquire if you have book in store, which Dymocks does to save it from being totally lambasted by me. Even if you don't have an online store, please put a catalogue up so customers can have a browse to see if you stock that product
The last swipe is online digital music. The HMV Hong Kong store is appalling, only being able to download very obscure music. iTunes music doesn't even have a Hong Kong store. I do want to buy singles and not buy albums as I am not an avid music fan, only albums just to get the song I want on it.
Perhaps I'm being harsh. Hong Kong people shop differently compared to US or UK people. Perhaps there are decent online stores in Hong Kong, which I haven't found or are just in Chinese. If anybody has any suggestions, please contact me so I can order as much stuff as I want in the comfort of my pyjamas.
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Writing blog entries
For some reason, I spend a lot of my time thinking of what I should write in my blog. This phenomenon is usually confined to idle moments such as
driving to and from work, in the midst of a lecture or when I'm out jogging. It's not particularly productive but it just happens. I have no real logical explanation why I do it. Perhaps I just want to articulate my thoughts to the world better, so people who read this will have a better understanding of whom I am. I want my blog entry to flow naturally, from sentence to sentence like if I was speaking to you or if you were watch a great riveting drama. I want readers to feel once they finished reading one particular blog entry, that topic has been extensively covered and there is no need to revisit the issue in the future, barring any change or any dramatic events in my life or something new has popped up.
In reality, despite all the time I spend idly planning my blog, that is never the case. I tend to write as I think without reading back what I have typed or revising what I have written. I don't want to spend too much time writing this blog, since I DO want to live a life. Inevitably not everything is covered in that entry about that topic. I loathe to revise any entry, especially if the passage has already been published on the internet and where everybody from random strangers to my closest friends have already read what I have to say on the subject and have given insight of their own on that subject. Like some lame horror movie sequel killer, I will always return to the same subject in the future with what seems like a new approach but actually is the same drivel dressed up in a different way.
Perhaps I try to give myself too much pressure in trying to produce too many blog entries in a certain period or trying to write the perfect article about that subject. I should take my time in writing these entries before posting them. I know my command of the English language is nothing compared to the likes of columnist I admire and read (such as David Mitchell, Charlie Brooker and Mark Steel) but I want something that is representative of me and will get people to like what I have written, or at least think it is not written by some maniac.
So I resolved to setting myself some basic rules on writing my blog:
1. Give myself a topic within a certain time period to write about and set myself a deadline to finish the topic off. This should give me time to think of new angles about that particular topic.
2. Don't immediately post the blog up, even when I think I finished typing it. Let it simmer for a few days before going back to it to see if any new ideas have popped up.
3. Actually read back through what I have written. I actually notice I do have a lot of grammatical errors scattered throughout my blog, so I should be a good writer and actually draft what I write.
Hopefully these new rules should lead to a more flowing blog which will be more understandable and more representative of my thoughts. However these rules haven't solved the problem of thinking of some witty and concise way to finish the blog.
In reality, despite all the time I spend idly planning my blog, that is never the case. I tend to write as I think without reading back what I have typed or revising what I have written. I don't want to spend too much time writing this blog, since I DO want to live a life. Inevitably not everything is covered in that entry about that topic. I loathe to revise any entry, especially if the passage has already been published on the internet and where everybody from random strangers to my closest friends have already read what I have to say on the subject and have given insight of their own on that subject. Like some lame horror movie sequel killer, I will always return to the same subject in the future with what seems like a new approach but actually is the same drivel dressed up in a different way.
Perhaps I try to give myself too much pressure in trying to produce too many blog entries in a certain period or trying to write the perfect article about that subject. I should take my time in writing these entries before posting them. I know my command of the English language is nothing compared to the likes of columnist I admire and read (such as David Mitchell, Charlie Brooker and Mark Steel) but I want something that is representative of me and will get people to like what I have written, or at least think it is not written by some maniac.
So I resolved to setting myself some basic rules on writing my blog:
1. Give myself a topic within a certain time period to write about and set myself a deadline to finish the topic off. This should give me time to think of new angles about that particular topic.
2. Don't immediately post the blog up, even when I think I finished typing it. Let it simmer for a few days before going back to it to see if any new ideas have popped up.
3. Actually read back through what I have written. I actually notice I do have a lot of grammatical errors scattered throughout my blog, so I should be a good writer and actually draft what I write.
Hopefully these new rules should lead to a more flowing blog which will be more understandable and more representative of my thoughts. However these rules haven't solved the problem of thinking of some witty and concise way to finish the blog.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
and dieting
As some of you may well know, I have been exercise and dieting extensively for the past two months. Thankfully it has paid dividends with a drop of three kilos within this time limit. However I'm still obese (by Asian standards) and still got a long way to go - actually eight more kilos before I'm consider "OK".
Apart from running / walking in excessive heat after work everyday, I have resorted to dieting. This has been a dramatic turnaround for me. I do love to cook and I do love my desserts, so having to cut out both means I can identify with smokers and alcoholics trying to give up their vices. I tried cutting out breakfast but by about half way through my morning clinic sessions, I'm embarrassing myself in front of patients with steadying growling noise coming from my stomach area. So instead of being addicted to desserts now, I'm addicted to Kellogg's Special K (other breakfast cereals are available, as the BBC would say). Apart from Crunchy Nut Cornflakes, this is the only cereal I like. I can actually eat Special K for breakfast, lunch and dinner, if social circumstances allowed me to.
Unfortunately I still have to go out for lunch, since all the other doctors in my clinic do. So I still have to eat unhealthy stuff whenever I go out. Everybody knows if you cook for yourself or cook at home, you have some measure of control what crap goes into your body. If you go out to eat, you don't know how much preservatives / salt / sugar they put into your food.
One of the disadvantages of going out to eat is the portions. I hate to waste food and so cringe inwardly whenever anybody leaves a substantial portion of their meal on the plate. I have to cringe at myself now, since I leave all the rice / potatoes on the plate since I've started the Atkins diet. This carries on to dinner since I have asked my parents to cut out the rice for me at dinner.
So what other extremes have I gone to lose weight? Only drinking diet Coke / Pepsi and now using artificial sweeteners in all my tea / coffees. Yes, I'm very serious about losing weight but only if it makes me look better and gives me a better chance of attracting the opposite sex.
Now to give myself a break, I need to have that tiramisu my dad made...
Apart from running / walking in excessive heat after work everyday, I have resorted to dieting. This has been a dramatic turnaround for me. I do love to cook and I do love my desserts, so having to cut out both means I can identify with smokers and alcoholics trying to give up their vices. I tried cutting out breakfast but by about half way through my morning clinic sessions, I'm embarrassing myself in front of patients with steadying growling noise coming from my stomach area. So instead of being addicted to desserts now, I'm addicted to Kellogg's Special K (other breakfast cereals are available, as the BBC would say). Apart from Crunchy Nut Cornflakes, this is the only cereal I like. I can actually eat Special K for breakfast, lunch and dinner, if social circumstances allowed me to.
Unfortunately I still have to go out for lunch, since all the other doctors in my clinic do. So I still have to eat unhealthy stuff whenever I go out. Everybody knows if you cook for yourself or cook at home, you have some measure of control what crap goes into your body. If you go out to eat, you don't know how much preservatives / salt / sugar they put into your food.
One of the disadvantages of going out to eat is the portions. I hate to waste food and so cringe inwardly whenever anybody leaves a substantial portion of their meal on the plate. I have to cringe at myself now, since I leave all the rice / potatoes on the plate since I've started the Atkins diet. This carries on to dinner since I have asked my parents to cut out the rice for me at dinner.
So what other extremes have I gone to lose weight? Only drinking diet Coke / Pepsi and now using artificial sweeteners in all my tea / coffees. Yes, I'm very serious about losing weight but only if it makes me look better and gives me a better chance of attracting the opposite sex.
Now to give myself a break, I need to have that tiramisu my dad made...
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